Locked out

Not much going on with me. I am still trying to get used to Katie Jo not being here. I can't believe how different it feels. I haven't been through a day yet without shedding a tear or two. It really sucks to have to make a decision like that.

Anyway, yesterday my DH locked us out of the house. It sucked!! Our neighbors have a key but of course they were not home. DH had taken the key from our hiding spot and never replaced it and me being the super safe person that I am, I had all doors and windows locked up. So, it was a no go on breaking in. I guess that is reassuring, but yesterday it sucked. We couldn't go any where because, of course our car keys are attached to our house keys, so we had to sit on our porch and wait until our neighbors, HOPEFULLY, came home. 3 hrs and much aggravation later they came home and we were able to get back in.

Still no luck in the job department. I am hopefully going to be able to pay my RE the money I owe him in the next few weeks and will then be able to make an appointment to see him. Keeping my fingers crossed that it all works out the way I have planned. But, we all know what happens to the best of plans.

Sammy is still doing pretty good. Some days he seems to move slower then others but for the most part he is well. He clearly misses Katie. He has been sleeping in her favorite spots and he just looks really sad. Anyway, no big plans for the weekend. DH is working with his friend this weekend making some much needed extra cash. Plus tomorrow morning he has a meeting at work where they are going to pass out bonus checks. We are hoping it is good. I guess anything is better then nothing, so we will take whatever they give and consider it a blessing.

Thanks again for all your kind words in our difficult time this last week. You have brought a smile to my face and warmed my heart when I needed it most. That is why I just love this community so much. I don't know what I did before I had all of you! I hope you all have a great weekend!

Dr. P I am on my way!

Well, I did it! After delaying and being chicken, I finally made the call and I have an appointment for the RE next Friday. It will be nice to see him again. The last time I was at the office I was being diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy from his asshole of a partner. Dr. Positive was on vacation so I had to see the a$$. I will be curious to see what Dr.P has to say. After being nervous about it for so long, now I am feeling kind of excited. Im sure as it gets closer I will get nervous, afraid of what he will say. Afraid that all hope is lost for me. In my heart I know he won't say that but my head keeps thinking crazy thoughts. Worry...it is what I am good at. so now I have to think every single question I want answered. I am definitely talking to him about the Laparoscopy, the next injection cycle, adding progesterone to the next cycle, the last ectopic since I did not see him, just the ass... Is there anything that you can think of that I should specifically ask about in regards to Laparoscopy, progesterone, or anything else? Let me know I would appreciate any help. I have almost forgotten everything that I wanted to ask after my last miserable failure. I hope you all have a great weekend. I have a busy one. Talk to you later!

Taking the leap

Well I think it is time. It is time for me to get back in the game. I have been out long enough. I have taken my break. I think mentally I am ready. But also I am scared. It has been nice to not worry every month what is going to happen. To not make a million doctors appointments, to get frustrated when it doesn't work, or worse yet it does work and then it goes south.

It probably is going to take a month or so to get into the doctor but I think I am going to do it. I am going to make that simple phone call that I have been delaying for a looong time. I mean I did have a good excuse for a while with my back being all messed up, but now I have to jump back in with both feet. Really it isn't going to be for much because I am going to try one more round of injections. We are going to add progesterone and see if that makes a difference. Hopefully it makes a difference because otherwise I am going to be in for another looong wait because I am going to have to save for IVF. But hopefully I will be getting out of a car lease soon. My plan is to buy a car for cash that I can afford. Which by the way... won't be much. Then I can save this ridiculous 600.00 car payment ( I know, right?) I have and hopefully soon have enough for IVF. That is the plan anyway.

Actually, the real plan is that the injections with progesterone will work and I won't have to worry about IVF. I think I have been putting it off because I am really scared the injections won't work. I need them to work! But first I am going to meet with Dr. Positive and probably do a laparoscopy. I want to do that to check everything out before waisting anymore time, energy and money. Also my OB said I should get one due to unexplained pain and tenderness. Then once that is done we will do the injections and then IVF.

But I have to make the call. I have to pick up the phone, dial the oh so familiar numbers, deal with the crazy nurse who I do NOT like, I have to make an appointment, I have to take time off work, and I have to go in and get this game started. I think I am ready, I think I am prepared for all it is going to take but even typing this makes my heart beat fast. I have to do it. Time is passing me by. I am not getting any younger. I think I am ready...ready for the anxiety, ready for the time, ready for the worry, ready for the hope, and most importantly and hopefully, ultimately ready for the joy.

Wish me luck because I am going to jump. I am hoping it is a soft landing.