Wishing for a baby (pity party still going strong)

It's so amazing to me. The fact that this population goes on. The fact that people have babies everyday. The beautifulness (is that a word?) that is birth. I mean 1000's of babies are born everyday...but I can't seem to get a piece of the beauty! I am in constant awe that there are people out there that get pregnant without a thought, many who don't even WANT to be pregnant. How does this happen?

I wish I didn't know what I know. I wish I could go about life oblivious to all that could go wrong. To all the pain and heartache. I wish I did not have to know my cycle. Know when I ovulate (or don't for that matter). Know about the 2ww wait. Know exactly when I am pregnant and exactly when it ends. The people who don't know these things seem so much happier. I want some of the happiness! I want to believe that when I want something that if I hope enough, believe enough and try hard enough it will come to me. I want to believe that as soon as I get pregnant that will be the happy ending because surely I will have a baby. That's all it takes, right?

I wish I didn't know that it was possible for your heart to break into a million pieces many times and you would still survive. I don't want to know that no matter how many times you knock me down that I will get back up and try again. I don't like feeling this way. Feeling that the emptiness in the crib and in my heart may never be filled. A dream never fulfilled. Hope lost. So much love and no baby to give it to. Ugh...If only my wishes, dreams, and prayers would come true...