Yesterday good...today uh not so much

Today I go to certify for my last 2 weeks of unemp1oyment. It goes through but does not give me an amount or when I will be paid. So I call and wait on hold F O R E V E R and the lady says that it did not pay me because their is an open investigation. I say wait I got a thing in the mail that says I am eligible and for how many weeks and for how long. She says that is just eligibility but I have to wait to see if I am "qualified". Well thank you for being as clear as mud! She says that because I said terminated they have to look into it. I said well on the form you sent me it says my employers name and reason for leaving job was "lack of work". I ask what does that mean. She says "well let me look at it and see if I can help". Then she sees it and says " just to let you know your employer can protest"...I say " Yes I know". I asked what they said and she said she can't tell me and it will take another 7-10 days for me to get a questionaire and then 6-8 weeks for a determination. Um...how long? " Well due to the high unemp1oyment rate it takes longer" Well I have been out of work for 3 weeks what the heck takes so long to mail forms? I have received all kinds of stuff from unemp1oyment including 2 debit cards. Which to me seems like money well spent for the state if they don't even know if I am going to get it. For a state that is broke they certainly waste a lot of money. They did a name change in 3 days...I'm just sayin'

So here I was rollin' along thinking things were fine and now I find out it will be at least 8 weeks and no guarantee. Her response after looking at my stuff makes me really nervous like she saw something bad. I know I am way over thinking but I am really freaked out. What am I going to do for 8 weeks and then what will I do if I don't get it. I definitely will fight it but who wants to spend their time doing that? And still there is NO GUARANTEE. I am not a patient person. I do not like waiting because I am a worrier and during the next 8 weeks I am going to be worried about what am I going to do? Am I going to be on the streets? Where will my doggies and cat go? what about baby makin'? This is not good!

I am trying to analyze. I know a girl got fired for looking at porn on the internet which she had been warned about several times and she is getting unemp1oyment. Does that mean I will? I never had a warning and all I did was tell somebody that with the job cuts I was worried about losing my job. Apparently that was some big company secret. Yea sure no one knew (note sarcasm). I could get into all the things my boss told me that she should not have like about other people who were at my same level and their write ups. All their personal business. She used to tell the 2 guys I worked closely with all about my fertility stuff. Which uh none of their business!

Anyway so as you can tell I am freaking the F@#$ out! What the hell am I going to do?

Is it possible?

So, I am trying a new thing. It is VERY new to me. I am usually not good at it but what I am doing so far hasn't been doing me much good so I figured maybe I should try something different. I am going to try to not worry about something before it happens. I am going to be prepared cause I don't want to be stupid but I am not going to spend every waking moment analyzing and then re-analyzing and then coming up with plan 1-10 because lets face it...that is pretty darn exhausting!

I got some news about my job that may not be good in the near future for me. I can't say too much right now but I am pretty sure you all can figure it out. But it is not a for sure who or what. I just now about when and why. So I am going to prepare just in case but I am not going to obsess. I just have to keep telling myself that. If I start to obsess I am going to go to places that no one should go. It will be dark and it will end with me never ever being able to have a child and living in a paper box. What good will that do me? It will just make a potentially bad situation worse and it may be all for nothing. It may turn out better then it is now. It may be a blessing in disguise.

So... I know...I will prepare...I will NOT obsess...I WILL take it one step at a time! Is it possible that I can do something I have not really done before, at least that I can remember or if I did it was on something small. I hope so or by the time the day arrives it won't matter because I will be in a looney bin and I think that would be a very bad scenario! So IS it really possible...YES...I think :)


Side Note: Not sure what I have said that made an ad for Scien.tology come up on my blog. I need to figure it out so I can stop saying it. UH message to google this is not a crazy T.om Cr.uise blog. I am talking about infertility!