I am a 36 year old woman married to my 43 year old husband who is the greatest man that I have ever know. We have been married for 9 years and together for 16. We have been trying to have a baby for our entire 9 years of marriage. During this time I was diagnosed with PCOS which has many problems associated with it, the biggest for me right now is the inability to have children, or more so the inability to carry a pregnancy.
We have 4 angels in heaven. Our first loss was 01/14/2005 my DH birthday. Happy birthday to him. UGH! It was then I realized how difficult this journey was going to be. 03/14/2006 we had our 2nd loss. This was a cervical ectopic pregnancy. It is EXTREMELY rare so now whenever I go to the RE they treat me like an experiment, but it is because of this pregnancy I found my current WONDERFUL RE or Dr. Positive as I like to call him. This one was really difficult because the baby was fine and we saw a heartbeat but the RE said there was NO WAY the baby would survive and if it grew any bigger I would bleed to death.
My 3rd loss was 06/26/2007 and my 4th and 2nd ectopic pregnancy loss was 07/03/2008. It was after this 4th loss I decided to take a break in order to save my sanity and not jump off a bridge. It was then I started blogging. I thought I would blog about the experience and educate people about infertility and pregnancy loss but it is I who have gotten the education. I found this wonderful ALI community and it has saved my life. I do not know what I would have done without all of these wonderful people who have shown me so much love and support and you do not even know me IRL.
This blog and this community is my lifeline. Here I feel safe to express all the crazy thoughts, fears, and sadness I feel. I feel normal here. I thank God for all of you each and every day. Thank you for reading and offering your support. My only hope is that I can give back just some of what you have given to me!