1 in 6 women experience infertility. I AM that 1.
2.5% of women have PCOS. I AM that 2.5%.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I AM that 1.
Women with PCOS have a 45% (or more) of miscarrying. I AM that 45%.
But I AM NOT a statistic! What am I?
I AM a wife. A wife of a wonderful husband, who would be an even better father! A wife that wonders why he stays when she is the one that is broke. Why should his dream be denied? I am sorry for that.
I am a daughter. A daughter who would like nothing more then to give her mother a grandchild. A daughter that loves her mother and knows she too is in pain because her child is in pain but there is nothing I can do about it. I am sorry for that.
I am a sister. A sister whose best friend is her sister. A sister who both times she heard “I’m pregnant “was so happy for her but sad for herself. A sister who rejoiced over the birth of her nephews as if they were her own but on the inside was thinking. “why can’t this be me?” and I am sorry for that.
I am a granddaughter. A granddaughter who fears that her grandmother will never meet her great grandchildren. They will never know this amazingly strong woman that I know. I am sorry for that.
I am an Aunt. An Aunt who loves her nephews as if they were her own. Who hugs them so tight not wanting to let them go because she remembers she was suppose to have one the same age and wonders what they would be like.
I am a Boss. A Boss who has bad days too. Who sometimes may not understand that getting a flat tire on the way to work was the end of the world because yesterday I lost my baby and I am still here today on time. I am sorry about that.
I am a Friend. A friend who needs her friends more now then ever before. A friend that will love you, listen to you, help you but may not be able to come to every baby shower because it hurts to much. I am sorry for that.
I am a Woman. A woman who can’t do what women were born to do. A women whose heart is broken. A women who will comfort you, laugh with you, cry with you, and help you but right now needs to do all those things for herself and I am sorry for that.
I am the girl behind you in the checkout line. The girl who is buying a pregnancy test with excitement and dread at the same time because deep down she knows it probably did not happen this month and if it did there is so much that can go wrong. She is worried about that.
I am the person that cut you off on the road because her mind was racing in a million directions because she wonders if the spotting she saw this afternoon was notice of impending doom. I am sorry for that.
I am your neighbor who may not always seem so friendly. Who does not always come over to your kids birthday parties because it is just too hard right now and I am sorry for that.
I am your patient. A patient whose happiness that day depends on the news you give her over the phone or in person. If she reacts badly or says something not nice it is not a reflection of your abilities, it is a reflection of her inabilities. I am sorry for that.
I am sad. I am angry. I am confused. I hurt. I cry. I hide. I yell. I make mistakes and I am sorry for that.
I love. I am happy. I laugh. I smile. I am strong. I will heal. I will move forward everyday…one step at a time…I WILL do all these things. I AM all these things. I FEEL all these things because of the one thing that I am NOT. I am NOT a mother and I am most sorry for that!