So when i went to the pain specialist last week I was greeted by an extremely pregnant woman. Let the fun begin... She starts talking about how she is do any minute and she CAN"T wait to have this baby because it has just been HORRIBLE! (I just not and smile politely but think shut up and get out). She talked about how she gets pregnant just by looking at her husband (thanks. Just what I want to hear.) Finally she stopped talking long enough to get some info from me and told me the doctor would be right in. I am not sure why she felt the need in the 10 minutes I was with her to give me her life (or last 9 mo) story but really? I know that when/if I am pregnant I will not talk about it to a complete stranger unless asked.
Queue doctor coming in...
Go through all my stuff and he is walking me to the room where I will get my shot and he says...
So who is taking care of your kids while you have been laid up?
I say: Don't have any
think: A%$#$le don't just assume I have children. I have already had it rubbed in my face once today.
Doctor: Well you are so lucky! You have things easy!
I say: Nothing
think: Yea if you consider 2 miscarriages, 2 ectopics, and the inability to have children and must pay 10's of thousands of dollars to have the HOPE of having a child lucky then I am the luckiest girl in the world.
People really need to think before they speak.
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pregnancy. Show all posts
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Crappy Thanksgiving
Oh Man I am so glad to be home. Sorry this will not be a Friday Favorite things. I am too pissed for that right now.
What a craptastic Thanksgiving I have had. We went to my MIL house for dinner. She had 19 people in a 2 bedroom house. Loads of fun let me tell you. I got to meet my new nephew Con.ner the 2nd son of my 21 yr old BIL with his 2nd girlfriend. I was prepared for it. I was ready to meet the little bundle of joy. Actually looking forward to it. He was so cute!
However, what I was not prepared for was to guess NOT hear but guess by statements like "no I can't drink", "No I can't have any shrimp" and then looking over at the nice little baby bump fashioned by my 24yr old SIL now pregnant with her 2nd baby also not married and also with a different daddy. I was like CRAPULOUS! I could not stand it.
No one had the decency to warn me ahead of time. To give me the chance to process this new info in my own way, on my own time, in my own home before being able to say congratulations. When I first figured it out I was upset and I quietly excused myself to the other room to cry but I thought I would give MIL the benefit of the doubt. There is no telling about my SIL, maybe she just found out herself. Surely MIL knew what this would do to me and she would tell me....WRONG! Everyone and I mean EVERYONE that then started pouring into the house were "OMG I heard your pregnant again! That is so great congratulations!" So she knew and she has known for a while! It infuriates me because now they get an attitude because I am not gushing over the mommy to be. WTF people? Why can't you show some courtesy? I can be happy for her eventually (even though I do not think and no one else thinks for that matter that she is a very good mom seeing as her 4 year old is scared to death of her). I could have said "congratulations! When are you due? Is it a girl or a boy?" I could of if I would have the chance to let the shock sink in. Let it settle that she can have baby after baby with out a second thought while I sit her 34 and barren! But I never had the chance so I avoided as much as possible. I mean I had to guess...even if she would have called me into the other room and said I am sorry I did not tell you but SIL is pregnant, I know it is hard" but NO. My DH said to his mom "It would have been nice if you could have warned us. It would have taken the sting away a little." To which she said "there is nothing I can do about it now." No "I'm sorry" no nothing...basically saying screw you and your feelings. Then adding to it was the new baby so it was like someone was playing a cruel joke...here is what you are not and what you don't have. Happy Craptastic Thanksgiving to me! I knew I did not want to go over there. Infertility sucks but even more this time of year!
What a craptastic Thanksgiving I have had. We went to my MIL house for dinner. She had 19 people in a 2 bedroom house. Loads of fun let me tell you. I got to meet my new nephew Con.ner the 2nd son of my 21 yr old BIL with his 2nd girlfriend. I was prepared for it. I was ready to meet the little bundle of joy. Actually looking forward to it. He was so cute!
However, what I was not prepared for was to guess NOT hear but guess by statements like "no I can't drink", "No I can't have any shrimp" and then looking over at the nice little baby bump fashioned by my 24yr old SIL now pregnant with her 2nd baby also not married and also with a different daddy. I was like CRAPULOUS! I could not stand it.
No one had the decency to warn me ahead of time. To give me the chance to process this new info in my own way, on my own time, in my own home before being able to say congratulations. When I first figured it out I was upset and I quietly excused myself to the other room to cry but I thought I would give MIL the benefit of the doubt. There is no telling about my SIL, maybe she just found out herself. Surely MIL knew what this would do to me and she would tell me....WRONG! Everyone and I mean EVERYONE that then started pouring into the house were "OMG I heard your pregnant again! That is so great congratulations!" So she knew and she has known for a while! It infuriates me because now they get an attitude because I am not gushing over the mommy to be. WTF people? Why can't you show some courtesy? I can be happy for her eventually (even though I do not think and no one else thinks for that matter that she is a very good mom seeing as her 4 year old is scared to death of her). I could have said "congratulations! When are you due? Is it a girl or a boy?" I could of if I would have the chance to let the shock sink in. Let it settle that she can have baby after baby with out a second thought while I sit her 34 and barren! But I never had the chance so I avoided as much as possible. I mean I had to guess...even if she would have called me into the other room and said I am sorry I did not tell you but SIL is pregnant, I know it is hard" but NO. My DH said to his mom "It would have been nice if you could have warned us. It would have taken the sting away a little." To which she said "there is nothing I can do about it now." No "I'm sorry" no nothing...basically saying screw you and your feelings. Then adding to it was the new baby so it was like someone was playing a cruel joke...here is what you are not and what you don't have. Happy Craptastic Thanksgiving to me! I knew I did not want to go over there. Infertility sucks but even more this time of year!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I hate to think this but... (kids mentioned)
Yesterday I did my usual visit with my sis and my nephews. We usually spend Saturday's together. I love spending the time with my nephews. They amaze me all the time. They are so cute. They just got back from Florida and Jo.ey was telling me about his trip and he said that he missed me. Melted my heart. My sis was telling me about the boat ride from Hell they went on. You see last year we went to Florida and we went on a boat to see dolphins. It was an awesome ride. It was just us on the oat and we got some amazing pictures. This time she booked a sunset cruise without thinking. So it was a bunch of couples looking for a romantic ride and then her, her husband, and her kids. Not so romantic. Anyway, the boat driver made everyone stay in their seats for the entire time, which is not something a 3 and 1 year old like to do. Anyway she was holding them both and one reached into her pocket, pulled out a piece of paper and the brand new cell phone which then preceded to fall to the bottom of the ocean. LOL. Jo.ey was so upset because he felt so bad. He said "don't worry mama, daddy and I will just go to the store and buy you a new one. that's all we have to do." Aww you can't really be mad at that. Now when you call her cell it says " you have reached me at the bottom of the ocean..." ROFL.
Anyway, she told me they decided while they were in Florida to not have any more kids. My thought was, Great! I am such a terrible person. Why would I think that? I was just so happy that I do not have to worry about getting the call hearing my younger sis is pregnant again with her 3rd while I am still sitting here trying to have 1. Every time she says "guess what?" or "I have something to tell you." my heart sinks. At least now (until they change their mind) I do not have to worry about that. I hate that I think that way. I hate it, hate it, hate it!
Anyway, she told me they decided while they were in Florida to not have any more kids. My thought was, Great! I am such a terrible person. Why would I think that? I was just so happy that I do not have to worry about getting the call hearing my younger sis is pregnant again with her 3rd while I am still sitting here trying to have 1. Every time she says "guess what?" or "I have something to tell you." my heart sinks. At least now (until they change their mind) I do not have to worry about that. I hate that I think that way. I hate it, hate it, hate it!
Monday, October 6, 2008
Wishing for a baby (pity party still going strong)
It's so amazing to me. The fact that this population goes on. The fact that people have babies everyday. The beautifulness (is that a word?) that is birth. I mean 1000's of babies are born everyday...but I can't seem to get a piece of the beauty! I am in constant awe that there are people out there that get pregnant without a thought, many who don't even WANT to be pregnant. How does this happen?
I wish I didn't know what I know. I wish I could go about life oblivious to all that could go wrong. To all the pain and heartache. I wish I did not have to know my cycle. Know when I ovulate (or don't for that matter). Know about the 2ww wait. Know exactly when I am pregnant and exactly when it ends. The people who don't know these things seem so much happier. I want some of the happiness! I want to believe that when I want something that if I hope enough, believe enough and try hard enough it will come to me. I want to believe that as soon as I get pregnant that will be the happy ending because surely I will have a baby. That's all it takes, right?
I wish I didn't know that it was possible for your heart to break into a million pieces many times and you would still survive. I don't want to know that no matter how many times you knock me down that I will get back up and try again. I don't like feeling this way. Feeling that the emptiness in the crib and in my heart may never be filled. A dream never fulfilled. Hope lost. So much love and no baby to give it to. Ugh...If only my wishes, dreams, and prayers would come true...
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