The one where I am Happy

Despite my lack of enthusiasm for my birthday this weekend, I did have a great birthday weekend. On saturday DH made me a beautiful steak dinner that tasted great. Sunday morning he made breakfast. We went to my sisters for dinner and a birthday.Super Bowl party. Everyone except me was rooting for the Colts. I was rooting for the underdog. No one believed it but I believed that the Saints would win and everyone else had to eat crow by the end of the night. It just ended the day on a great note.

My nephews were so cute and excited for the birthday party. They called me in the morning to wish me a Happy Birthday. Noah got on the phone and said, :Hi aunt Shell. Today is your Birthday!" When we got over to there house Joey said he was in charge of the party. He and Noah set the table, which I so wish I would have taken a picture of. There were like a 150 forks and knives and napkins on the table but it was just so cute and they were so proud!

Joey kept bringing out his toys and giving them to me and saying I could take them home because it was my birthday. He gave me a football. Which by the way we played catch with the kids with and I think Noah would make a GREAT quarterback some day. He throws a perfect spiral and fires it and it goes far and he is 2. Anyway, we also taught him the touchdown dance which was so funny to watch him do. Also, Joey gave me a spaceship and a play cell phone and a Noah's Ark book. He loaded me up with presents.

My BIL made a fabulous Lasagna and of course I had my ice cream pie. Thank you so much it was delicious! All in all is was a great weekend. It still sucks to be 36 but I am hoping that the great start to the year will continue. Thank you all for your birthday wishes. It always brings a smile to my face with all the love and support I get from all of you. You are the BEST!!!

xxoo

The One Where I Feel Sorry For Myself

Ok so my birthday is coming up on Sunday and I absolutely HATE it! I mean presents are nice, my favorite ice cream pie is FANTASTIC, My BIL making me dinner TERRIFIC, turning 36 BITES THE BIG ONE!!!!

I thought turning 35 was bad but 36 really tops it. Now I am OVER 35! I feel I am further away from my goal of having a baby then ever before. I have nothing to show for the last year of my life except heart break and CRAP!! I do not even know where to go or what to do any more. I am frustrated and just really sad. No job, No baby, No money, NO LIFE!!!!

I get to share my birthday with the Super Bowl. I am choosing to believe that everyone is getting together all around the world to celebrate me. I think it sounds so much better then celebrating some football game. ;) So we are getting together at my sisters house. It should be a good time. I told my hubby, the biggest sports fan I know, that it is a bummer that my birthday falls on super Bowl Sunday because it is my day and I get to choose what we watch and since I could care less about either team in the big game I am choosing a nice romantic comedy! LOL I will let you know when the divorce proceedings start...I do not think it would fly very well. Thats OK I can have fun with my nephews. They can always cheer me up! They get so excited about parties. I asked Jo.ey what he was going to get me and he said a Choo Choo train...hmmm not something I remember asking for...I think he is projecting what he wants...hoping I will leave it over there. LOL.

I remember when birthdays were something I looked forward to. Something I waited anxiously for. Now I could do without it. I keep calculating how old I will be when my kids are 18,21, etc if I were to have a kid now and I just feel ancient. I know people have kids all the time when they are older but I just think how young my mom was. She is 57 now. If I were to have a kid this year...when my kid turns 36 I will be 72. WTF!? That is just mind blowing to me. This is so not what I had hoped and dreamed for my life. I was suppose to have 4 children, be a stay at home mom and be loving life. UGH!!!

A couple weeks ago we went to my MIL to celebrate DH and my niece's b-day. I was having a conversation with my SIL and MIL. Talking about ...what else kids. I was saying it felt like I would never have them. And you will never guess what my 23 year old SIL said. I mean it is such a rare thing for a fertile to say. She said "I can have my kids packed and ready to go for you." Yes, that makes me feel better. However, my MIL said, "well pack 'em up she will take what you don't appreciate." I think my eyes bugged out of my head and my SIL shut up. Go MIL!!

Anyway, I will stop boring you with my whining and maybe now that I have gotten this off my chest I can feel better about turning 36...NAH I don't think that will happen but at least maybe I can get all this out of my mind. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

xxooxxoo

Funny conversations kids have

So we went to my MIL and then sisters house on Saturday to celebrate DH's b-day. We had a good time. DH was happy because he got his favorite in both places. At his moms German chocolate cake with mint choco chip ice cream and at my sisters chocolate cream pie. I do not really like either but I tried the choco cream pie my BIL made and it was so very very good. Then we played cards and had a good time. Poor hubby has got a pretty bad cold now. I am hoping and praying I do not get it but I think I am fated to do so. I have been feeling light headed and just over all crummy.

Anyway, when we were at my sis's house, she had put the kids to bed. They sleep in the same room and did not want to go because grandma and we were there. The kids were very excited about Uncle's b-day. They made mom stop and get balloons because as Joey said. Uncle D would be so sad if he did not have balloons. So she put the kids to bed and they are the ones that love balloons so they each had one with them. They had Grandma come in and kiss them goodnight and tie the balloons to their beds. About 15 minutes later I had to go to the bathroom and this is the conversation I hear coming from their room.

First I walk into the bathroom and I hear little feet running into their beds. Then

Joey (4): Noah, make some noise
Noah (2): Little noise comes out
J: I need my balloon it got away. Noah, go get Grandma
N: I am scared.
J: Noah, say I
N: I
J: Am
N: Am
J: Not
N: Not
J: Scared
N: SCARED
J: Good, go get Grandma now.
N: I am scared!!!
J: You just said you weren't!

This had me cracking up. Older brother is trying to get younger brother in trouble and being really smart about it. I just love how kids minds work. Too cute!

Visit at the hospital, small tiff with mom, and cake...isn't that how all birthdays go?

2009 has really not been going the way I had planned and I am really trying to not let it get me down. I know we have a lot of time left in the year so I am going to try to keep taking it one step at a time and think positively but if you know me at all this is a very difficult task.

Please keep DH's grandma in your thoughts and prayers. The other day we got a call saying she had fallen. This is not an unusual occurrence. She has Parkinson's and she falls quite a bit. In fact they got her one of those things to where around your neck to push when you've "fallen and can't get up". One problem though...she refuses to push it. She is too embarrassed. It is very frustrating. So anyway she fell and after lying on the floor for 5 hours was able to call someone. My husband rushed over and got her up. Later that night they took her to the hospital. Turns out she had a heart attack. They put a stint in the right side which is 20% blocked but the left side is 100% blocked and they are not sure what they are going to do yet. So for now she is in the hospital so please send good thoughts to DH and his family.

We went to the hospital today to visit and then we went to sis's house to celebrate my b-day. If you are sensing a pattern here, you are correct we pretty much celebrate everything at my sis's house. It is just easier with the kids and all, but come to think of it we did it before she had kids. Anyway, it was nice my nephews as always were cute! Jo.ey called me this morning and sang "happy Birthday" over the phone all by himself. They were very excited about cake and my b-day. I just love them to pieces. My mom really made me mad tonight. She acted like being there was horrible. My Aunt was in town so they came over and I think she said like 5 times "we can't stay" (because they were going home to make chicken). Uh ok I get the point you don't want to be here. Normally it really wouldn't bother me all that much but it was my birthday after all and she knows I have been having a tough time with it. I chose to do something tonight because I did not really want to sit at home and mope about it. I wasn't asking her to stay for 5 hours just about 2-3. Let's visit for a while. Nope she came late and left early. Thanks mom. I did say something about it after the 5th time she said she was leaving, to which she got an attitude about but oh well. I am not going to dwell on it but I just wanted her to know it bothered me. I was nice about it but I am sure in her head I was screaming at her (because that is always how she hears things). It just felt like she could not make time for her daughter. I know not a major thing, Im an adult and I could just be a little sensitive right now but I wanted her to realize how it sounded. Ok...there off my chest now.

So starting tonight as my 35th year on this earth begins lets wipe the slate clean, start anew...great things are coming my way, I just know it...ok I think I know it...it is isn't it? Oh please please let it be so...

Weekend wonders...

I had a very nice weekend. It was my mom and sister's birthday so on Sunday we all got together and celebrated. My mom started a diet and she did not have any cake for her own birthday! I was so impressed. My mother has always been the person who will start something and 1 day later be done with it (short attention span), but this she has been doing for about a month and I am very proud of her. Maybe I got through to her (if I know my mother I am sure it wasn't me), she doesn't take care of herself and she has not been feeling good so I am glad she is doing this. Now I wonder if I could only get her to stop smoking...I guess one thing at a time.



Anyway, on Saturday DH and I babysat for my nephews J (3yrs) and N (18mos). OMG they are the cutest! When we got there L said Good Luck they are horrible today! and basically ran out of the house as if it was on fire. As I stood at the door trying to keep N from crying for mommy I was thinking Im in for a long night. Crying lasted about 2.3 seconds and then everything was fine. It turned out great! I don't know what I was thinking they are always so good for us. N finally said my name and we taught him to say Go Blue (he loves football) and it was the sweetest thing. They just melt my heart! They ate good and went to bed right on time no problems. I often think about what my babies would have been like at that age because they would have been the same exact age as my nephews. Sometimes I wonder about it when I am watching them play. When I watch J with his active wild imagination or N with his tough no fear attitude, I wonder would they have all been close like siblings? I am sure they would have been, I have always been close with my cousins. It would have been nice. I often wonder if by the time I have kids (if I ever succeed) are they going to be all alone. Are they going to have anyone to play with? All my friends will have grown up children, same with L. I know of all the things to worry about right?...but really it just makes me sad.