Ok so my birthday is coming up on Sunday and I absolutely HATE it! I mean presents are nice, my favorite ice cream pie is FANTASTIC, My BIL making me dinner TERRIFIC, turning 36 BITES THE BIG ONE!!!!
I thought turning 35 was bad but 36 really tops it. Now I am OVER 35! I feel I am further away from my goal of having a baby then ever before. I have nothing to show for the last year of my life except heart break and CRAP!! I do not even know where to go or what to do any more. I am frustrated and just really sad. No job, No baby, No money, NO LIFE!!!!
I get to share my birthday with the Super Bowl. I am choosing to believe that everyone is getting together all around the world to celebrate me. I think it sounds so much better then celebrating some football game. ;) So we are getting together at my sisters house. It should be a good time. I told my hubby, the biggest sports fan I know, that it is a bummer that my birthday falls on super Bowl Sunday because it is my day and I get to choose what we watch and since I could care less about either team in the big game I am choosing a nice romantic comedy! LOL I will let you know when the divorce proceedings start...I do not think it would fly very well. Thats OK I can have fun with my nephews. They can always cheer me up! They get so excited about parties. I asked Jo.ey what he was going to get me and he said a Choo Choo train...hmmm not something I remember asking for...I think he is projecting what he wants...hoping I will leave it over there. LOL.
I remember when birthdays were something I looked forward to. Something I waited anxiously for. Now I could do without it. I keep calculating how old I will be when my kids are 18,21, etc if I were to have a kid now and I just feel ancient. I know people have kids all the time when they are older but I just think how young my mom was. She is 57 now. If I were to have a kid this year...when my kid turns 36 I will be 72. WTF!? That is just mind blowing to me. This is so not what I had hoped and dreamed for my life. I was suppose to have 4 children, be a stay at home mom and be loving life. UGH!!!
A couple weeks ago we went to my MIL to celebrate DH and my niece's b-day. I was having a conversation with my SIL and MIL. Talking about ...what else kids. I was saying it felt like I would never have them. And you will never guess what my 23 year old SIL said. I mean it is such a rare thing for a fertile to say. She said "I can have my kids packed and ready to go for you." Yes, that makes me feel better. However, my MIL said, "well pack 'em up she will take what you don't appreciate." I think my eyes bugged out of my head and my SIL shut up. Go MIL!!
Anyway, I will stop boring you with my whining and maybe now that I have gotten this off my chest I can feel better about turning 36...NAH I don't think that will happen but at least maybe I can get all this out of my mind. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!