Thursday, February 4, 2010

The One Where I Feel Sorry For Myself

Ok so my birthday is coming up on Sunday and I absolutely HATE it! I mean presents are nice, my favorite ice cream pie is FANTASTIC, My BIL making me dinner TERRIFIC, turning 36 BITES THE BIG ONE!!!!

I thought turning 35 was bad but 36 really tops it. Now I am OVER 35! I feel I am further away from my goal of having a baby then ever before. I have nothing to show for the last year of my life except heart break and CRAP!! I do not even know where to go or what to do any more. I am frustrated and just really sad. No job, No baby, No money, NO LIFE!!!!

I get to share my birthday with the Super Bowl. I am choosing to believe that everyone is getting together all around the world to celebrate me. I think it sounds so much better then celebrating some football game. ;) So we are getting together at my sisters house. It should be a good time. I told my hubby, the biggest sports fan I know, that it is a bummer that my birthday falls on super Bowl Sunday because it is my day and I get to choose what we watch and since I could care less about either team in the big game I am choosing a nice romantic comedy! LOL I will let you know when the divorce proceedings start...I do not think it would fly very well. Thats OK I can have fun with my nephews. They can always cheer me up! They get so excited about parties. I asked Jo.ey what he was going to get me and he said a Choo Choo train...hmmm not something I remember asking for...I think he is projecting what he wants...hoping I will leave it over there. LOL.

I remember when birthdays were something I looked forward to. Something I waited anxiously for. Now I could do without it. I keep calculating how old I will be when my kids are 18,21, etc if I were to have a kid now and I just feel ancient. I know people have kids all the time when they are older but I just think how young my mom was. She is 57 now. If I were to have a kid this year...when my kid turns 36 I will be 72. WTF!? That is just mind blowing to me. This is so not what I had hoped and dreamed for my life. I was suppose to have 4 children, be a stay at home mom and be loving life. UGH!!!

A couple weeks ago we went to my MIL to celebrate DH and my niece's b-day. I was having a conversation with my SIL and MIL. Talking about ...what else kids. I was saying it felt like I would never have them. And you will never guess what my 23 year old SIL said. I mean it is such a rare thing for a fertile to say. She said "I can have my kids packed and ready to go for you." Yes, that makes me feel better. However, my MIL said, "well pack 'em up she will take what you don't appreciate." I think my eyes bugged out of my head and my SIL shut up. Go MIL!!

Anyway, I will stop boring you with my whining and maybe now that I have gotten this off my chest I can feel better about turning 36...NAH I don't think that will happen but at least maybe I can get all this out of my mind. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!


15 comments: said...

Happy Early Birthday :) your MIL rocked that moment BIG TIME!

gah, stupid super bowl! I would just eat up and be as ridiculous as possible.

also-way to beat me at bejewelled blitz! now i'll have to play all night trying to win :)

Sunny said...

I'm so sorry, Michelle, 35 has not been very kind to you. :P But here's good news -- soon you will be 36! A new year, a BETTER year. Good riddance to 35, let's kick it to the curb. (I know, that probably doesn't help any. But I'm still praying that you have many blessings this year.)

PS You rock, MIL!

Willow said...

Hope it is a happy birthday and LOVE your MIL's response! That's exactly what I always want to say when people make that same stupid comment to me!

Andrea said...


Happy Birthday! I remember turning 36 and feeling much like you do now. Then, it seemed like I turned 37, which has been the worst. I'm older, still empty armed and I too calculate the dates in my head of how old I will be. However, I've recently realized that its not how fast you get to the FINISH LINE that's important, but that you finish the race :) And, we're gonna finish this race! Keep the FAITH :)

As for your SIL's comment...very selfish. Thank goodness your MIL had your back.

HUGS and enjoy your Birthday...we're still young!


Circus Princess said...

Happy Birthday!! And yeah, you should totally get to choose what to watch on TV on your birthday... maybe you'd need your own TV though :)

Go MIL!!

Triumph said...

I love Andrea's comment, the race is certainly not for the swift but for those who endure.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE and I wish you all the blessings in this next year of your life.

Your comments on my blog are so welcomed.

battynurse said...

Yay MIL!!! That's a good one. I'm sorry you're feeling down about your birthday. I've had years like that before (this one might be another as it's the big 4-0 for me) and it sucks. I hope you get a nice day though.

Stacey said...

Sending HUGS & warm wishes for a happy birthday! I have had an all-around bad attitude about each birthday I've had since trying to have children. It's hard getting older and still wishing for that dream. I like what Andrea said, though, it's not about how quickly we get there! Rather than focusing on those young mothers out there, you just remember that when your time comes you will be all the more appreciative and wiser! I'm hoping this will be a fantastic year for you in so many ways. Thanks for being a friend, Michelle. Have a great weekend! (Oh, and you totally should NOT have to watch football!)

Another Dreamer said...

Happy birthday and huge (*HUGS*) Birthdays really do seem to suck so much with IF :( And hey, go MIL!!!

Jamie said...

Happy Birthday to YOU!!

And what a great MIL. You hear so many 'monster-in-law' stories, it is great to hear a good story.

I miss the days when I looked forward to birthdays, as well.

Barb said...

sorry sweets, but happy bday?

KuKd Chick said...

Eek, girlfriend. I'm sorry you've had a crapola year and feel that inevitable "aging push" inching you ahead in life. Think of yourself as wiser, cooler, and more seasoned than you were a year ago. You've probably grown and changed since last year - even in positive ways for the better that you might not be aware of now. OK, there's my Polyanna shpeel. Birthdays beyond your twenties suck!! ;-) (happy one to you, though)

cowgirltn said...

Happy Belated Birthday. I love your mom's comment that is priceless.

jill said...

Happy belated birthday, Michelle! I hope you had a great day, even though you had to share it ;)

I feel exactly like you do about birthdays. I want to ignore them completely now. I don't want to get any older and it's made worse by the fact that I "should" have multiple kids by now. I always thought I would have kids in my 20's. Oh well, there's hope for us yet!

Bluebird said...

Awesome, Awesome, Awesome from your MIL! And happy belated birthday :) I get that they suck.