Sunday, June 28, 2009

What do I do now?

Well, sorry I haven't posted since Wednesday but I have kind of been a little stunned, a lot pissed off, and busy. I am hurt that I thought some people were my friends. People that I always had their backs. What do I get in return? Plotting and scheming to get me fired. I am not sure what I am going to do at this point. I am really worried that soon I will be out on the streets somewhere. What will happen to my animals? will I ever be able to afford to have a baby? So much for what I said here. I feel like a giant idiot. I am hoping I will be able to get unemployment. We will have to see if it is going to be a fight. Hopefully not but if it has to be I will fight!

My DH says he is glad I am out of there. He says that in the long run I am going to be much happier and things will work out. I just really hope he is right. I am scared. Yesterday my sister helped me get my resume ready. Tomorrow I am going to apply for unemployment and register at the talent bank. Wish me luck. I need to find a job fast!

Friday my mom got in a really BAD car accident. She is very lucky she is alive. she was getting ready to make a left hand turn. She did not see the guy coming and he hit her head on going 55 miles an hour. She was in an Es.cort and the front end was crushed up to the windshield and the windshield broke and all that is wrong with her is she is VERY sore and has a lot of bruising on her chest. She did not even get burned from the air bag, just her shirt did. I just can't believe how lucky she was and I am so happy that she is ok.

Thank you all for your words of support and encouragement! I really need it now.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


Well, I lost my job today. It sucks! you can even see a bunch of knives sticking out of my back. Screwed by people who were suppose to be my friends! I would hate to be those people and have to live with it. I could never be like that...It sucks really bad and I am not sure what I am going to do. Really not a good day!

PS I have turned comment moderation on

Monday, June 22, 2009

Fun times with the nephews

I had a great time with my nephews this weekend. We went a lot of places and just had a good old time. I got a taste, all be it a small one, but a taste none the less of what it feels like to be a mom. First of all it is EXHAUSTING. I was so tired out Sunday night I think I was in bed and asleep by 8:00, and if you know me at all you know I am a night owl. I am usually up to 1:00am on weeknights and who knows what time on weekends. But we did a lot of stuff. We kept them busy. We went to MIL's and took them swimming. I stayed out of the water but DH got in the freezing water and the kids and him had a blast. I watched and admired how easily it comes to DH to just be a kid and a "dad" at the same time. Kids just gravitate to him and he has so much fun. It is a shame he is not a dad yet.

We then took them to the pet store. Jo.ey loved the mice and No.ah loved the bunny rabbits. Just watching them run from place to place was so cute. Then we went to Mc.Dona1ds so they could play in the playscape. I was worried about No.ah because this thing is huge and I did not think he would be able to get up and around through the tunnels. I was picturing my fat butt trying to climb through these tunnels to rescue him and then me getting stuck and they have to call someone to come take thing apart. Not a pretty picture...LOL. Anyway I told Jo.ey to go and help him and then out pops No.ah from the slide. He was just fine and he ran around to do it again. They played so long in there that they were asking to go home. We went home and watched the movie Wa11.E. Jo.ey thought this was the most funny movie in the world! I was not crazy about it but I just watched him laughing so hard at it that it made me laugh. I just love to hear a kid laugh!

Sunday we took them to a graduation party which was in a park and they had a HUGE playscape. The kids had a ball. BIL did not even recognize us because we came with 2 kids. All day long Jo.ey just kept looking at me and saying, "I Love You Aunt Shell" and then he would give me a hug. Awww that just melts my heart. At the party I was thinking about how they both are at such a great age. You can talk to them and especially Jo.ey you can have a whole conversation with him. He has got the best memory. No.ah just says things so cute! Since there were a lot of teenagers there I was trying to imagine what these 2 will be like as teenagers and I just can not picture it. It seems so far away yet I know it will fly by fast!Anyway, we tired them out there and then took them home and they went straight in for a nap. Then mommy and daddy came home.

So it was a pretty good weekend. They were so good! I think next we are going to take them one at a time over night sometime this summer. We will let them choose what they want to do and have kind of like a Aunt and Uncle date night. Then the one who stays home can spend time with mom and dad. I think that will be lots of fun.

I had a good time this weekend playing "mommy". I hope someday soon I will be the real thing!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Why I do not cook

So I decided to make one of my favorite childhood deserts. I haven't had them in a while and they sounded oh so good. So I got the VERY EASY recipe for mag.ic coo.kie bars from dear mom and started to make them just like she did. It calls for melting butter so I did what mom used to do...put the glass 13x7 pan on the stove put butter in glass pan and melt said butter. DH comes in and says "why are you doing it that way? You should not do it that way. Just use the microwave." Hmmm never really thought of that easy and convienient way of doing it but I wasn't going to let him win so I say..."It is fine. Quit correcting me. I know how to make these just leave me alone." and then I stick out my tongue at him and just as I do that I am stirring the butter around and as the butter is bubbling...splat...big drop of scalding hot butter right in my eye...
To which my husband started cracking up and says..." I guess I don't need to say I told you so...someone already did that for me."

Funny man he is...

Short -n- Sweet

Whew! Finally I think I am feeling myself. That flu just wiped me out completely! I still have a cough but I am finally eating again and don't feel like death so that is always a good thing.

Not much going on with me since I have spent most of the week in bed. This weekend I will have my nephews Saturday and Sunday. I am trying to think of fun things to do with them. We are going to stop by a graduation party for a little bit but that is all that is for sure planned. My MIL told us about a free interactive museum for the kids so we are going to try to get more info and maybe take them there. We should have fun.

Thats all I have for now. I hope you all have a good weekend and if you have any good ideas for things to do with my nephews that isn't expensive let me know. Thanks.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'm Alive!!!!

Sorry I have been MIA for a little while but after my last post I got the hits kept on coming. Friday I ended up with the nastiest flu I could ever remember. I went to the Dr in the morning and I thought I would not make it home to my bed. It turns out it was a good thing that I did not have my fertility dr appointment because there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY I would have made it. I mean it was so bad my skin hurt. It hrt to breathe and I could not even keep water in my stomach. Today...5 days later I am starting to emerge from the fog. It was really BAD BAD BAD! I do not wish it on my worst enemy. To top it off my beloved Red W!ngs blew the last game. I just could not believe it. Oh Well! Anyway I hope to get caught up with everyone in the next few days and I hope none of you get what I just had. Talk to you soon.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Not a good day

I am so upset! After all my delaying and putting off of my appointment with my RE I finally make the appointment. It is suppose to be tomorrow. I was excited and nervous at the same time. anyway...this morning I get a call from the office saying I have a balance that needs to be paid before I can see him. Really bad timing because I do not have it. It is 300.00 and I don't even have remotely close to that right now. So I guess now I have to wait until July. Hopefully I will be able to get caught up and come up with the money by then. It is my fault. I got the bill a long time ago, like last year. I knew I owed it but I was hoping that they would accept partial payment. no such luck. This whole IF thing really sucks!!! It makes me very bitter that I have to fork out all this money and still have nothing to show for it. I have many more thousands of dollars to go and no guarantee that I will EVER have anything to show for it. It SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS!!!!

Then remember what I mentioned the other day. Well today they made the announcement to everyone in our company that 4 of our departments are moving down to Florida. they have an office there and it is much cheaper labor so bye bye. It is not my department but they told us that they will be reviewing all the TLs and probably getting rid of 1-3 of them. It does not matter if it is your department that is moving. They will just do some shuffling. I will probably be one of the ones to go since I am pretty sure my boss hates me. I don't know about the other 15 TLs but it is just a feeling I have. My problem is I am not a "yes" person. I tend to question things when they don't make sense or say something when things don't seem right. I do it professionally but apparently I don't think my boss likes it, even though she said that is why she promoted me in the 1st place. We won't mention how good my department is doing now and how smooth everything goes. But I am still trying out the don't worry about it until it happens. A lot can happen between now and December and I really don't know the other TLs business. Maybe I am just making things up in my head because I am a perfectionist and hate one little mistake. i am very hard on myself.

I do have to say the not worrying about it until it happens is kind of a little freeing. I realized that there is really nothing I can do to change what will happen, if it happens. i won't be able to change my boss's opinion because she loves the other 2 TLs under her and nothing I will do will change that. I just need to come in and do my job the best way that I know how and let the chips fall where they may. Will see how I feel as the time gets closer.

So it is only noon and this day has been crap!!! I am now so ready to get back in the fertility race but now I have to wait because of money and lets not talk about what will happen if I lose my job. I am so frustrated!

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow is game 7 of the Stan.ley Cup finals. Its the last game. Whoever wins tomorrow night will be the champs. I am hoping and praying it is the Re.d W!ngs. I need something to celebrate.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I love FREE!!!

Oh My goodness, Oh My goodness! I found...more like I was directed By Cara at Building Heavenly Bridges to go to this wonderful site!

It is Fantabulously Frugal and it rocks! Not only is it s great site but right now she is having a fantastic giveaway and I am feeling lucky!!!!

Head on over there...Fantabulously won't regret it! Put in an entry (and tell em I sent ya and you get an extra entry :)

Monday, June 8, 2009

Is it possible?

So, I am trying a new thing. It is VERY new to me. I am usually not good at it but what I am doing so far hasn't been doing me much good so I figured maybe I should try something different. I am going to try to not worry about something before it happens. I am going to be prepared cause I don't want to be stupid but I am not going to spend every waking moment analyzing and then re-analyzing and then coming up with plan 1-10 because lets face it...that is pretty darn exhausting!

I got some news about my job that may not be good in the near future for me. I can't say too much right now but I am pretty sure you all can figure it out. But it is not a for sure who or what. I just now about when and why. So I am going to prepare just in case but I am not going to obsess. I just have to keep telling myself that. If I start to obsess I am going to go to places that no one should go. It will be dark and it will end with me never ever being able to have a child and living in a paper box. What good will that do me? It will just make a potentially bad situation worse and it may be all for nothing. It may turn out better then it is now. It may be a blessing in disguise.

So... I know...I will prepare...I will NOT obsess...I WILL take it one step at a time! Is it possible that I can do something I have not really done before, at least that I can remember or if I did it was on something small. I hope so or by the time the day arrives it won't matter because I will be in a looney bin and I think that would be a very bad scenario! So IS it really possible...YES...I think :)

Side Note: Not sure what I have said that made an ad for Scien.tology come up on my blog. I need to figure it out so I can stop saying it. UH message to google this is not a crazy Cr.uise blog. I am talking about infertility!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Dr. P I am on my way!

Well, I did it! After delaying and being chicken, I finally made the call and I have an appointment for the RE next Friday. It will be nice to see him again. The last time I was at the office I was being diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy from his asshole of a partner. Dr. Positive was on vacation so I had to see the a$$. I will be curious to see what Dr.P has to say. After being nervous about it for so long, now I am feeling kind of excited. Im sure as it gets closer I will get nervous, afraid of what he will say. Afraid that all hope is lost for me. In my heart I know he won't say that but my head keeps thinking crazy thoughts. is what I am good at. so now I have to think every single question I want answered. I am definitely talking to him about the Laparoscopy, the next injection cycle, adding progesterone to the next cycle, the last ectopic since I did not see him, just the ass... Is there anything that you can think of that I should specifically ask about in regards to Laparoscopy, progesterone, or anything else? Let me know I would appreciate any help. I have almost forgotten everything that I wanted to ask after my last miserable failure. I hope you all have a great weekend. I have a busy one. Talk to you later!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Thank you! Thank you!


Wow Nominted 2 times in 1 week. How exciting! I am so honored. :)

Special thanks you to Sunny at Sunny in Seattle or Secrets of an Infertile mom. Two blogs one fabulous person. I love both her blogs, reading about her little bean who is just so cute or her trials with IF. She is a fellow Michigander who doesn't live here now but is coming home I believe this weekend. Just in time to celebrate a Red Wings Stanley Cup (hopefully) ;) Thank you...thank you!

The rules of accepting this award are simple: list seven things you love, and pass the award to seven bloggers you love. Her we go and in No specific order...

Seven things I LOVE!!!

1. This is on other lists but it can never be repeated too much...CHOCOLATE! For me it would especially be dark chocolate. The darker the better. Chocolate is always my friend. It never gives unsolicited advice. It has always been there for me in my darkest of hours. So for those reasons...I love you Chocolate!

2.Red Wings - I know you are all shocked right? This is the first time I have said anything about the Red Wings. ;0 I think I have said enough about them. I am sure you are sick of hearing about them. Don't worry it is almost over. They are pretty close to winning the Stanley cup. (Hopefully I won't be eating my words).

3.Family and Friends - This includes all my bloggy friends too. I really do not know what I would do without them/you. I think family and friends are really what life is all about. Without them it would pretty sad and boring. So thank you to everyone that has come into my life one way or another. I truely believe that everyone crosses paths for a reason and I am glad that you crossed mine.

4.My animals - I love love love my animals. The bring so much joy and happiness into my life. My house would not feel the same without them. To me they are like little people. They are my furry kids. They all have there own personality and offer unconditional love. They are excited when I walk in the door and sad to see me leave. They know when I am feeling sad and will try to cheer me up. They bring a smile to my face each and every day.

5. My DH - He definitely deserves his own entry. I think you all know by now how I feel about him. He is the greatest man I will ever know and I love him more then I can ever say.

6. The 4 seasons - I love the changing of the seasons. Fall is my favorite because of the cool fresh air and the beautiful leaves. I love seeing the changes that happen during all the seasons. Sometimes in Michigan you can experience all 4 in one day. There are many days that I hate winter and I wish I did not have to deal with cold and snow but when there is a fresh blanket of snow and you first go out before salt trucks and people have made it a mess, It can be so BEAUTIFUL and Peaceful.

7. My dvr - I think this is such a great invention. It makes things so much easier to watch TV. I do not have to waste time on commercials or boring parts of a show. I don't have to be home when my favorite show is on because I can just tape it and watch it later. I don't have to worry about when people want to call me and interrupt. I don't know how I would get along without it. I know sad but so very true.

Now on to 7 blogs I love...

1. Cara at Building Heavenly Bridges. You inspire me Cara!

2. Strong Blonde who is another fellow Michigander and is now pregnant with twins. I am so excited for her!

3. Stop the Train I Wanna Get Off is going through some tough stuff but she is such a such a strong woman.

4. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Pampers, I am tagging you back. I think about you everyday and what a strong beautiful person you are. I am so sorry that you lost your triplets. Some day you will be a great mom!

5. Dora at My Preconceived Notion I am so excited for her! She is finally pregnant! She is always such a sweet and generous person. She is going to be such a wonderful mom!

6. Bottoms Off and On the Table is going through a cycle right now and could use everyones support. Her blog makes me smile! Good Luck with your transfer!

7. Good Egg Hunting - just got a positive beta after IVF but could use all the reassurance. So go over and cheer her on. I am so happy for you!

If you have already done it then I am sorry, just ignore me. If you would like to do it feel free.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I've been tagged 8x8 All about me




Mentioned who tagged you: Emma over at Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Pampers
Complete the list of 8’s
Tag 8 people


1.Having a baby

2.Losing weight

3.My dr's appt with my RE (yes I finally did it! I made the appointment)

4.When I get rid of this nasty car payment

5. Retirement (hopefully someday)

6. Getting my hair cut.

7. The Red Wings winning the Stanley cup again!

8. The weekend


1. Went to work

2. Fixed my computer (or at least got it running better)

3. Took doggies for a walk

4. Watched some shows that I dvr'd

5. Talked to hubby

6. Did some laundary

7. cleaned the kitchen

8. Talked to a friend that I haven't talked to in a while


1. I wish I could get pregnant and carry it full term and actually have a living breathing baby.

2. I wish I could afford to quit my job

3. I wish I could win the lotto (probably would help if I played)

4. I wish I could travel all over the world

5. I wish I could sew or knit

6. I wish I could write the next great novel

7. Speak Japanese

8. Draw


1. Heroes

2. Lost

3. Big Brother

4. Big bang Theory

5. How I met your Mother

6. Grey's Anatomy

7. The Amazing Race

8. Project Runway


1. Strawberries

2. Grapes

3. Oranges

4. Apples

5. Pears

6. Peaches

7. Bananas

8. Strawberries ( I love them so much they deserve 2 spots)


1. Australia

2. Bermuda

3. Hawaii

4. Fiji

5. Italy

6. Thailand

7. Aruba

8. Ireland


1. Redford, MI

2. Mt. Pleasant, MI

3. Novi, MI

4. Westland, MI

5. Detroit, MI

6. Garden City, MI

7. Westland, MI (lived there twice)

8. Dearborn Heights, MI


Well I have seen this on many blogs. So if you have not done this yet and you would like then consider yourself tagged! I hope you all have a great day!