ICLW... Oh how I've missed you! and Happy Anniversary to me!

Well I haven't participated in the ICLW in the last few months. I have had a lot going on and I am a total over achiever! I always want to comment on every blog and when I can't, I figure I should not do it. I know...I know that is so not the point. So I am in it again and I am just going to do what I can do although right now I do have some time on my hands.

I am very happy to be back in ICLW. I always love reading all the new blogs that I do not regularly read and I enjoy new comments. So let me give you some info about myself.

With DH for 16 yrs and married for exactly 9 years today! Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you with all my heart and I can not even imagine what life would be with out you and I never want to!!! Thank you for always being there for me through all the good times and bad. I hope soon our dreams come true!

Today also happens to be my nephew Jo.ey's (who I talk about some here on my blog)4th Birthday! Wasn't that such a great anniversary present for us. I can not believe he is 4 already! Time flies. He is such a loving sweet boy! I love you Jo.ey! Happy Birthday!

The other thing that we commemorate today is that we have been TTC for 9 years. This is not something to celebrate however so it is a good thing I have other things to focus my mind on. I was diagnosed with PCOS which sucks!

I have lost 4 babies. I had 2 early miscarriages and 2 ectopics. 1 was an extremely rare cervical ectopic which tragically would have been a healthy baby had it implanted in the right place. With all the technology I wish they could figure out how to move it to the right place!

My last loss was 07/03/08. I went on break after that because I needed a mental break. If not I might have jumped off the closest bridge. I am ready now to get back in the game and I am trying to save for IVF. However, things have not been going my way.

Last month I was fired from my job for some bullshit reason and currently I am fighting to get money from unemployment. We are struggling now to stay afloat and found out that they will probably be coming to take our car by the end of the month. Unfortuantely we do not have another car nor the money to buy a new one so we are trying to figure out what to do. DH has to get to work or we are REALLY screwed. He is going to talk to his mom today and hopefully she can help us out. PLEASE PLEASE!! something needs to go right.

I am 35 years old and I feel like I am going backwards. I am no where I thought I would be by our 9th anniversary and it really makes me sad and angry! I also feel like I am running out of time. So as you can tell my mind has been racing and I am kind of freakin' out! Hopefully soon things will turn around.

The good thing that came out of the last year was that I found this wonderful on line community. I started blogging thinking I would come online and educate everyone and then I found all of you and I have learned so much from you. Although I have not met you IRL I consider you all my friends. As I have said many times you all have helped through some difficult times and celebrated with me during happy ones. I don't know what would have happened if I had not found you all. Thank you all for what you have done for me and I hope I can and do do the same for you!

Thats all I have for now. I am sure I will be seeing (reading) you around this week.

HAPPY ICLW!!!

Wanted: Good job

Well, I am still unemployed...I know shocker in this great job market. I am not kidding you there is NOTHING out there! It is horrible! I did however wait on hold for 2.5 hrs with the unemployment office because I could not enroll online because they have my maiden name and address from 10 years ago. Maybe they should think about updating once in a while. When I called the phone system was ,of course, down so I had to wait on hold for 1 hr only to finally get through and then get disconnected so
I called back and waited for another 1.5 hrs but I did it. I did not give up which is what I am sure they are hoping people will do. They told me I had to send them my marriage license to change my name. Which lucky for me I am so organized I knew exactly where that thing is. Today I got a response and it looks like I will be getting unemployment. It looks like my employer said that the reason for separation was "lack of work". Hopefully I am not reading it wrong.

Oh wait I do have a potential (probable) job. It is very low paying. I received a survey in the mail from our county jury commission. Which means that as soon as I turn that in I will be called for jury duty. Yay! I get a job making about 2.00 an hour and I will have to pay 20.00 for parking. LOL I have never been called for jury duty and just my luck I get it now. YUCK!!!

Anyway, today I have spent the whole day looking through crappy job after crappy job and later this week I need to go and register with the talent bank. That should be loads of fun!

Another thing happening this week is the 1 year anniversary of my last loss, July 3rd. Actually today is the anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant. I remember finding out and instantly being scared. Not happy, not excited, just scared! That makes me sad that the joy has been taken away. As soon as I get the two lines that I spend most every month hoping for I instantly start shaking and think when is this one going to end. I don't want it to be that way. I think if I ever do get a pregnancy to stick someone is going to need to knock me out for 9 months. My poor hubby is going to have to deal with me. Oh well I guess I will take 9 months of worry over nothing.

Hope everyone is having a better week then me.