Friday, July 31, 2009

YAY for Girls Weekend!!!!

Not much has been going on the last few days. Still unemployed...still looking for work. I am getting pretty frustrated because it seems like everything I send my resume to ends up in someway being some sort of scam. It seems like there are just more and more people preying on the people who are struggling and it just is not right. Everyone says send me your credit report and then we will set up an interview. Yeah right sure let me just send you all my personal info and I have no idea who you are...let me get right on that. Every time I tell them before I do that could they please answer a few questions such as, what company is this? where are you located? and so on...I get no response. They are just hoping someone will blindly send them the requested information and then they steal their ID. Please anyone out their reading this...DO NOT FALL FOR THIS CRAP. If ANYONE asks you for this information all you have to do is do a search on their name and 99% of the time you will see many entries from people who got the same email requesting the same stuff and turned out to be a scam. I am sure most people know this but just in case I wanted to do a Public Service Announcement! With so much stuff on the internet you really need to protect yourself. Ask questions and if they are legitimate they will have no problem answering your questions and if they do have a problem then you do not want to work with them anyway. Ok I am done for now.

Anyway, I am getting ready for a girls weekend at the lake. Lots of drinking, eating, playing cards and just plain old fun! I can not wait! I love this place. We usually do this at least once a year. It is only about an hour away but it feels like you are hundreds or thousands of miles away. I think when you enter the lake area they have a mind eraser or something because no matter how stressed out or what I have going on in my life, as soon as I enter I forget all about it. I swear sometimes I sit there and try to figure out what the heck I was stressed out about. I love it! I wish I could stay there all the time. It is also very nice to get together with these friends because they do not get much time to be with just the girls. They both have 3 kids a piece and are hard working, busy moms. When they get up there it let all loose and have fun.I can't wait!!!!

So I will not be around until late Sunday or Monday. I will catch up then. I hope you all have a great weekend! Don't forget if you want to enter the Yoga DVD giveaway just comment on my last post. See ya later!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Show and Tell Review + Giveaway

Show and Tell

A couple weeks ago I was approached by Barbara from Fairhaven Health asking me if I would like try some of their products and do a review. If you are not familiar they do products such as FertilAid for women and men, they have a yoga video and a couple different ovulation monitors. They also sell things for pregnant and nursing women. Well I do not know about you but I have always wondered about these products. Do they really work? Would they be worth the money? So now was my chance to find out. So I said yes. A couple days ago I received this in the mail.


I received a month supply of FertilAid for Women and Men. They retail for 28.95 per bottle for a month supply.

FertilAid for Women - 28.95 - FertilAid for Women is a fertility enhancing supplement designed for trying-to-conceive women. Helps restore hormonal balance, supports reproductive wellness, and optimizes your chances of conceiving.

My thoughts - There is 90 pills. You take them three times a day with meals. So far everything seems to be fine. I do feel a slight bit more energy then before I started taking them but I have only been taking them for a few days. I plan on doing another review once I have finished the month of taking them. The benefit of taking them is it does give you extra folic acid so it is like taking a prenatal vitamin which my doc recommends I take in case I do get pregnant. My initial reaction is it is no different then taking normal everyday vitamins. The one downfall is you are suppose to take 1 pill 3 times a day with meals and that makes it easy to forget. I put them right on the counter next to my cupboard with the plates so as not to forget when I am getting food. You are not suppose to take them when you are taking any fertility meds which is perfect for me right now since I haven't been able to go to the RE for lack of money. I am hoping that these will help. Since I have only been taking them for a few days I can't say if it helped with pregnancy.

FertilAid for Men - 28.95 - FertilAid for Men is a male fertility enhancing supplement designed to improve sperm count, motility, and morphology. Doctor-developed and clinically proven.
90 pills, also to be taken 3 times a day with food.
Hubby's thoughts - He does not have too many. What can I say he is a man...LOL No really he just received them yesterday due to a mix up in the delivery. He started them this morning. When he has more to say I will let you know. I personally do not know if this will do anything for him. He has never had a problem with sperm count but he is now 42 and we haven't had it checked in a while. I figured it could not hurt.

Fertile Focus Ovulation Microscope - 27.95 - An affordable, high quality saliva-based fertility test that predicts ovulation with 98% accuracy, reusable for unlimited tests.
My thoughts - I had something similar to this a very long time ago. I never could read it so I ended up buying more ovulation predictor kits so to me it was a waste of money. So you may ask why did I get this one...Well 1. I am much older and wiser now. I am hoping that I will be able to read it much better. 2. This one seems much easier then the one I had many, many years ago. 3. It is smaller and more compact (the one I had looked like an actual microscope). I tried once knowing it was definitely not an ovulation day and I was able to read it. We will have to wait and see when it gets close to ovulation time. It is best to use first thing in the morning. Do not eat, drink, smoke, or brush your teeth for at least 2 hours prior to using it and you must wait 5 minuites for the saliva to dry before looking. If it works then it will save a lot of money on ovulation predictor kits. I will let you know.

A gentle yoga practice created to help couples conceive. Designed for all levels and taught by Anna Davis, Ph.D., a respected scientist and yoga instructor. $19.95.

My thoughts - Now remember I am not a yoga person. I do think it is made for skinny flexible people. I laughed a lot while doing this because I was not even close to looking like any of the poses. I am going to keep at it hoping that with practice I will get much better at it...I could not get any worse. I think it is good to help relieve stress. The hard part for me was clearing my mind. The instructor says A LOT to focus on your breathing and clear your mind. I find it hard to focus on those things when I am trying hard to figure out how to do the poses. Again I am sure with practice things will get much easier. She does tell you to have 2 blocks so you can place your hands on them if you can't reach the floor and I found that helpful.

So that is my initial review of the products so far. Once I have been using them for a while I will let you know how it is going. So now on to the giveaway...

Due to a shipping mix up I have an extra Bend, Breathe, & Conceive Yoga DVD and I thought I would offer it to one lucky internet friend. If you are interested in the DVD please leave me a comment. If you would like more entries you can do so by 1. following me on this blog. If you already are just let me know. 2. Following me on Twitter. If you already are just let me know. That would be for a total of 3 entries. This giveaway will be open until midnight next Wednesday August 5, 2009. If you like yoga I think you will like this DVD. If you have never tried it before but always wanted to, here's your chance to try it for free.

Thank you to Fairhaven Health for letting me try these out!

To see what everyone else is showing at the front of the classroom head on over to Mel's place!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Half a load off my shoulders!

I have had a very busy last few days. Friday I babysat my nephews all day. They were a little crabby but thats ok. I took them to the park and for a couple walks. They love going for walks! Then DH and I went looking at some cars. We could not find anything that would have lasted more then a day that was in our price range. UGH!

Yesterday we got up bright and early to go looking at some cars. I only got 1.5 hours of sleep the night before. It was horrible. Every time I would start to fall asleep I would have a sleep start. You know where you dream you are falling or something like that and then you jolt awake. Well I must of had this happen like 20-25 times. Some of them I would awaken like gasping for air. It was scary! So then of course, I started freaking out thinking like for some reason I was suppose to stay awake or I was going to die in my sleep. I then went and consulted Dr. Google and I think for the first time it did not tell me I had cancer or something. I swear no matter what symptoms you key in it always says cancer. Anyway, it said these were common amongst most people but most don't even know it is happening. It said it usually happens if you went around 24 hrs without sleep which I was up for 20 before I tried going to sleep and if you are under a lot of stress. Um that would be a double check for me with all I have been going through. So after reading that and then waking DH and telling him to check on me and make sure I am breathing once I go to sleep, I finally fell asleep. So needless to say I was a little grumpy yesterday.

Anyway we got up and went and looked at a person he works with car. It was 800 and it was clear why. It was mini van with only 1 seat in the back. No radio...that is a requirement for my car. So we decided if we could not find anything else we would go with that as a last resort. My MIL and my sis and BIL offered to help us with getting a car. I thank them so much because I am not sure what we would have done. They are life savers and I can't say thank you enough! Anyway we went to MIL to trade cars because our current cars tires are about to blow at any minute. You can see the steel coming through on the 2 front tires. I just am not about to buy tires on a car that is going to be taken away. We had seen a bunch of cars that were a little distance away so we went to trade cars with MIL and then we ended up like a mile from her house. LOL We stopped at a little place to see if they had any cars in our range and ended up talking to one of the sales people and he said that he could work with us. I said I don't think so. We have a car that is currently being repoed, our credit is bad and I will not pay any payments that are over 100.00. He said he could work with that. I doubted it. He did! We got a 1998 che.vy ven.ture that had 96000 miles and was in pretty much perfect condition only a couple minor dents and scratches but nothing you can see unless you are looking close. The inside was gorgeous, it only had one owner and it ran perfectly! We paid half in cash and then got the rest financed for 100 a month. I could not believe it! We got such a good deal! I am so happy! Plus getting in and out of a mini van is so much easier on my back and we are all ready for all the babies that we will hopefully have soon!

So now the whole car situation can be checked off my list and that load can be taken off my shoulder. Now we just have to worry about unemployment. I have thought about putting a bow on my other car for the repo man. LOL. Then last night we went to Ch.uck e chee5e for Jo.ey's 4th b-day. I have not been there since I was a kid. It is so much different then what I remember. Jo.ey had a lot of fun and they were both so cute. I went shopping yesterday for his gift. On Fr1day he kept showing me which trains from ge0 tra.x that he wanted (he is OBSESSED with trains). He showed me one and told me this is what he wanted and that is all he wanted. I said "what if I can't find it or can't get it." He said "you'll find a way". LOL if only I could have that kind of faith on things. So I went to the store and of course could not remember which one it was. I called sis and gave her the 3 choices. We narrowed it down and picked one (unsure if that is the right one). On my way to the party sis texts me and says which one did you get again. I said "smo.key and". She says oh because Joey just all of sudden started saying, " I hope Aunt shell got me Jose. That is all I want. I only want nothing else!" Phew I got the right one! He was so happy when he opened his gift. He carried it around e chee5e showing everybody and almost losing it...thank God my mom scooped it up! Sis said today they went to a store to meet there guy that is fixing up their new house and Jo.ey says " I had a birthday party and my Aunt Shell got me Jose. Do you have Jose?" He is so cute and I am so happy I got the right one.

Today has been a lazy day. we cleaned out our old car and I have been cutting coupons and learning how to be one of those people that goes and buy tons of stuff for a little amount of money. Today I went to CV.S and the total before coupons and stuff was 58.00 and I ended up spending 20.00 and that is including buying a 2 razors w/ replacement cartridges and those are expensive. I am so excited about that! It takes a little time and planning but in the end it is worth it!

So over all this was a good and productive weekend. Busy but good! How was yours?

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Couple v. Family

I have yet to feel like a "real" grown up. I mean I have all the fantastic responsibilities of a "grown up"...paying bills, jobs (or in my case lack of), stresses of everyday life... but I haven't really felt the benefits of being a grown up. I feel like a couple, a very happy and loving couple but just that... a couple. We are not a family. When we arrive at family functions sometimes I feel like I am suppose to have some rousing tale of how we traveled through Europe or bought the next latest and greatest technology because of course we don't have children yet. We don't have all that financial "responsibility". What else could we possible be doing with all that money and time. Well here is the kicker we do have the financial responsibilty of having children with out the benefit of having children and I have't even got to the IVF part of it yet. I have insurance that has paid for some. They say have a 35.00 co-pay yet I always seem to end up with a bill 1-2 months later for 500.-600. Then I have to pay for blood tests and diagnostic tests and RX and what is it for? I have no answers yet. Why do they tell me I have a co-pay and then charge more. Why do I have a deductible that I ALWAYS reach by February but still end up in serious debt because of medical bills? anyway I got side tracked for a minute...

Back to family gatherings and by these I usually mean DH side of things. He has a much bigger family. (My side is just my sis, my mom, and I) No one has ever said anything to me and they try to include me. Yet, I feel like an outsider. I feel less of a family then my unwed 25yr old SIL with her 2 children by different fathers or my unwed 21 yr old BIL with 2 children by different mothers or my other BIL who is in a loveless marriage with step children or my other unwed SIL with a 18 yr old daughter who she treats like dirt on the bottom of her shoe. We won't even go into all the other half brothers and sisters he has and all there craziness. Yet I am the one that does not feel normal. Why is that? I have been responsible. I am married. Yet I feel somehow less. I can't participate in most conversations that go on because they are kid centered. I will often interject with a story or two about my nephews on my side and I feel like they look at me like "what do you know those aren't your kids". I know that this is usually a result of my overactive analytical mind but that is just it. It is yet another thing that the joy is sucked out of because of infertility.

By no means do I expect the world to conform to me or that everyone should just wait with baited breath about what I have to say. I just wish I could be like them (not the unwed, unhappy, crazy part). It is kind of sad when you wish you were like that but I do. All the things they take for granted makes me sad. The sleepless nights, the seemingly unending supply of poopy diapers, the inability to just get up and go somewhere, the sense of FAMILY...I would give my left arm or more for that! I feel like a child who wanted so bad to be invited to party and wasn't. I'm done being a couple and I am ready to be a couple with a FAMILY. I am just not sure how I am ever gonna get there. I feel left out and I am begging to be included!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Story of Us

In honor of our anniversary yesterday I thought I would tell our story.

My husband and I both started working at the pizza shop on the same day. He is 7 years older then me and while I thought he was a nice guy I never really was very interested in him. We hung out together because everyone at the pizza place always hung out. We went to the bar after work. We played cards, shot pool...stuff like that. Well one day in July my boss was standing next to me and he was across the room and she said..."if you don't ask her out I am going to do it for you!" I was thinking what the hell is she talking about. A few minutes later he came over and asked me out. I said "yes" but I really just did it to be nice. I thought we would go on 1 date and then that would be the end of it.

We ended up going on a couple dates and then he was talking about my birthday which would be n February. I remember thinking...:I don't know what he is talking about. I am not going to be with him in 7 months." Then he basically started staying at my apartment every night. He kept his place with his brother but we pretty much lived together right away.

He did not want to get married ever. He said he had bad examples as a kid and did not want his to turn out that way. I waited. After about 5 years I told him..." Either we are getting married some day or we are ending our relationship. I am not going to waste any more time with someone who does not want to get married. If that is not something you ever want to do then just tell me." A couple weeks later he asked me to marry him.

We had a long engagement because we had to pay for the wedding ourselves. We had a small (80 people) wedding and it was nice. I liked it that way because then I could spend the time with the people in my life that I cared about the most. Planning a wedding was so stressful! I hated it and was so glad when it was over!

We went to Orl.ando for our honeymoon because they had just opened a place where you could swim the dolphins and that is where I wanted to go. We did not quite think ahead because we should have booked that place long before we went because when we got there we could not get in. We both love amusement parks so we had a blast in Or.lando anyway except one thing...IT WAS FREAKIN' HOT!!!!

Naively I thought I would get pregnant on my honeymoon and all would be happy ever after but as we all know that did not happen. Here we are 9 years later in the same place with a 4 losses behind us but would I trade it and be with someone else...NEVER!

My husband is the GREATEST man I have ever known! We perfectly balance each other out. Where I am stressed and on edge. He is calm and collected. Where I am emotional he can be logical. He makes me laugh and feel secure. It truly amazes me every day that we found each other. I think going through all this crap has made us stronger and better together. I love him with all my heart and soul and I never ever want to be with anyone else and I KNOW he feels the same about me.

Happy Anniversary!!! I love you!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

ICLW... Oh how I've missed you! and Happy Anniversary to me!

Well I haven't participated in the ICLW in the last few months. I have had a lot going on and I am a total over achiever! I always want to comment on every blog and when I can't, I figure I should not do it. I know...I know that is so not the point. So I am in it again and I am just going to do what I can do although right now I do have some time on my hands.

I am very happy to be back in ICLW. I always love reading all the new blogs that I do not regularly read and I enjoy new comments. So let me give you some info about myself.

With DH for 16 yrs and married for exactly 9 years today! Happy Anniversary Honey! I love you with all my heart and I can not even imagine what life would be with out you and I never want to!!! Thank you for always being there for me through all the good times and bad. I hope soon our dreams come true!

Today also happens to be my nephew Jo.ey's (who I talk about some here on my blog)4th Birthday! Wasn't that such a great anniversary present for us. I can not believe he is 4 already! Time flies. He is such a loving sweet boy! I love you Jo.ey! Happy Birthday!

The other thing that we commemorate today is that we have been TTC for 9 years. This is not something to celebrate however so it is a good thing I have other things to focus my mind on. I was diagnosed with PCOS which sucks!

I have lost 4 babies. I had 2 early miscarriages and 2 ectopics. 1 was an extremely rare cervical ectopic which tragically would have been a healthy baby had it implanted in the right place. With all the technology I wish they could figure out how to move it to the right place!

My last loss was 07/03/08. I went on break after that because I needed a mental break. If not I might have jumped off the closest bridge. I am ready now to get back in the game and I am trying to save for IVF. However, things have not been going my way.

Last month I was fired from my job for some bullshit reason and currently I am fighting to get money from unemployment. We are struggling now to stay afloat and found out that they will probably be coming to take our car by the end of the month. Unfortuantely we do not have another car nor the money to buy a new one so we are trying to figure out what to do. DH has to get to work or we are REALLY screwed. He is going to talk to his mom today and hopefully she can help us out. PLEASE PLEASE!! something needs to go right.

I am 35 years old and I feel like I am going backwards. I am no where I thought I would be by our 9th anniversary and it really makes me sad and angry! I also feel like I am running out of time. So as you can tell my mind has been racing and I am kind of freakin' out! Hopefully soon things will turn around.

The good thing that came out of the last year was that I found this wonderful on line community. I started blogging thinking I would come online and educate everyone and then I found all of you and I have learned so much from you. Although I have not met you IRL I consider you all my friends. As I have said many times you all have helped through some difficult times and celebrated with me during happy ones. I don't know what would have happened if I had not found you all. Thank you all for what you have done for me and I hope I can and do do the same for you!

Thats all I have for now. I am sure I will be seeing (reading) you around this week.


Sunday, July 19, 2009

My Sisters in IF!

Sisterhood Award Pictures, Images and Photos

Sunny at Secrets of an Infertile Mom has nominated me for the Sisterhood Award! Thank you! You are always so good to me!

Infertility is definitely a sisterhood. One I wish I did not have to be a part of or one I wish none of you had to be a part of but it is definitely a sisterhood. I am thankful everyday that I have found all of you because you have helped me get through some tough days and when things go well you are there to celebrate with me...after all that is what sisterhood is all about. Maybe IRL people would not understand but you all mean so much to me and I can't imagine what I would do without you! Thank you all!

The guidelines for this award are:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post.

2. Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.

3. Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.

4. Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

With honor I nominate:

1.Stacey at I am Stacey's blog. She is going through her first round of injections and always has a positive attitude. Go over and giver some support.

2. Dana at One Step at a Time. She recently went through a loss and has come out stronger and more centered with God and I admire that!

3. Stop the Train...I Wanna get off
This is her public blog. She does have a private one that you can ask to be a part of . She is going through a really hard time...not fertility related at the time but she could really use all your love and support!

4. Bottoms off and on the Table she is always making me smile with her humor. She just went through a positive then a negative right away and that just sucks. Head on over and send some hugs her way!

5. Conceive This is another one that is constantly making me laugh! I love her blog and think she deserves nothing but the best on her journey. Her first IVF did not work but I am hoping that the FET is her ticket to her dreams!

6. A Memory in my Heart lost her baby Isabella and lost Sean. She is a strong woman who keeps going no matter what! I really hope it happens for her soon!

7. An Unwanted Path always seems to know how to put into words exactly what is in my head. She says it beautifully!

8. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Pampers. She is such a strong amazing woman. She recently lost her triplets and I can not even imagine how hard that was. I wish her all the happiness soon and hope her move goes well. Go over and wish her well too!

9. So It Goes. She is remembering a sad anniversary today. She got some answers from the doc the other day but not necessarily something you want to hear. I hope things work out now that they have some answers!

10. Anyone else. You are all my sisters and deserve all your dreams to come true! am sorry for any of your losses and cheer for all your successes. Hope fully we all one day can e part of the mommy sisterhood!

Friday, July 17, 2009

And the sh#@ keeps rolling!

My week has not gotten any better. Today I get notice that my car is going to be repoed at the end of the month. I expected it but I have NO money to get a car. I am not sure what I am going to do at this moment. I am pretty much screwed!!!!

Yesterday I got a call from the unemployment office and for some reason I was not receiving calls on my phone. My husband comes home from work and says he has been trying to call me all day. I check my phone...NOTHING. I tried calling him and worked and then all of a sudden I get 7 voice mails. So I got nothin' since yesterday. Of course I hear the message from the unemployment office and she says to call her back today, she will be in the office until 12:00. What time is it when I here this message? 1:30...FIGURES!!! I call and leave her a message and then call the general number. They said I could only talk to her because it was about my termination. Now I have to wait until Monday...UGH. I do not like waiting! They are making me nervous. I am checking out lawyers just in case.

The one good thing today is I received my free gift that Sunny nominated me for and Martha gave away. It was very nice. A Dis.ney tote, a mug, and lavender soap that smells oh so nice. Thanks again to both of you. It made me smile when lately I have had not much to smile about.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Yesterday uh not so much

Today I go to certify for my last 2 weeks of unemp1oyment. It goes through but does not give me an amount or when I will be paid. So I call and wait on hold F O R E V E R and the lady says that it did not pay me because their is an open investigation. I say wait I got a thing in the mail that says I am eligible and for how many weeks and for how long. She says that is just eligibility but I have to wait to see if I am "qualified". Well thank you for being as clear as mud! She says that because I said terminated they have to look into it. I said well on the form you sent me it says my employers name and reason for leaving job was "lack of work". I ask what does that mean. She says "well let me look at it and see if I can help". Then she sees it and says " just to let you know your employer can protest"...I say " Yes I know". I asked what they said and she said she can't tell me and it will take another 7-10 days for me to get a questionaire and then 6-8 weeks for a determination. long? " Well due to the high unemp1oyment rate it takes longer" Well I have been out of work for 3 weeks what the heck takes so long to mail forms? I have received all kinds of stuff from unemp1oyment including 2 debit cards. Which to me seems like money well spent for the state if they don't even know if I am going to get it. For a state that is broke they certainly waste a lot of money. They did a name change in 3 days...I'm just sayin'

So here I was rollin' along thinking things were fine and now I find out it will be at least 8 weeks and no guarantee. Her response after looking at my stuff makes me really nervous like she saw something bad. I know I am way over thinking but I am really freaked out. What am I going to do for 8 weeks and then what will I do if I don't get it. I definitely will fight it but who wants to spend their time doing that? And still there is NO GUARANTEE. I am not a patient person. I do not like waiting because I am a worrier and during the next 8 weeks I am going to be worried about what am I going to do? Am I going to be on the streets? Where will my doggies and cat go? what about baby makin'? This is not good!

I am trying to analyze. I know a girl got fired for looking at porn on the internet which she had been warned about several times and she is getting unemp1oyment. Does that mean I will? I never had a warning and all I did was tell somebody that with the job cuts I was worried about losing my job. Apparently that was some big company secret. Yea sure no one knew (note sarcasm). I could get into all the things my boss told me that she should not have like about other people who were at my same level and their write ups. All their personal business. She used to tell the 2 guys I worked closely with all about my fertility stuff. Which uh none of their business!

Anyway so as you can tell I am freaking the F@#$ out! What the hell am I going to do?

Monday, July 13, 2009

Good news All Around Today

My weekend was very good. We went to the BBQ/Party. It was a lot of fun. I saw friends I have not seen in many many years. Drank some beer and wine, ate ourselves silly and then laughed at the bonfire. My friends new baby is so cute! He has beautiful big blue eyes and just smiles away. I am very happy that things are going well for her. She had a tough time at the beginning. He was born 2 months early and she got VERY sick afterwards. Well actually before she had preecclampsia and they delivered because her kidneys were shutting down. It took her a while to recover but she is doing well now.

I had bought these cute new sandals but they definitely were not made for standing around and playing horse shoes. I was so sore yesterday it was crazy!

I got good news today. Friday I was suppose to get my last check from work and for some reason it did not get deposited. I called them and after research they said that for some reason my check was negative. UH What? They said they would try to get me a check as soon as possible. I was worried this weekend that they would try to screw me out of my final paycheck and then I would have to fight and I really just want to be done with them. Well they called me this morning and said I should have my check tomorrow...PHEW!

Also, I got an email from Sunny at Sunny in Seattle saying that I had won I contest I did not even know I was in. Gotta love that! She had entered her self and nominated me over at A Sense of Humor is Essential and we both won. Thank you so much Sunny. It definitely brought a smile to my face at a much needed time. You are the best! Also Thank you to Martha for running the Pay - It - Forward contest. I love contests!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Life happening

Whats happening in life today?...Just spending time looking for a job. I went down to the unemployment office today which was surprisingly empty and registered my resume. The employees that work there are very angry and bitter. Why I are the ones with jobs. Also the state of Michigan is offering 10000.00 over 2 years to go to school and get an education if you are unemployed or making less than 40000.00 a year. So I signed up for the orientation. If they are going to give me money I am all for it! Maybe this job loss thing is a blessing in disguise.

Tomorrow I am going out to my friends house they are having a huge party as a combo celebration for her wedding, their new baby and their mom's 60th. It is suppose to be huge along with an all day celebration capped with camping in there back yard which is several acres, having a bonfire and just enjoying life. I am very much looking forward to it if you can't tell.

My doggie Katie Jo had a really bad seizure tonight. I wasn't sure if she was ever going to come out of it. Once she did though it was like nothing happened. She got up shook her self off and was running around, which she never does, like she was a puppy. It was like she was saying YAY I"M ALIVE>>>YOU DIDN'T GET ME YET. If only us humans could have such a good attitude when bad things happen. So hubby gave her bath since she drooled and went to the bathroom all over herself and we are giving her some extra lovins tonight.

Thank you all for you kind a supportive comments on my last post. I can not tell you how much those lift me up every day. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

PS B!g Bro.ther 11 started last night and I am in summer time heaven!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

I had dreams

Ok so I was watchin' "here Come.s the New1yweds5" last night. Yes I know some quality TV but I have already admitted to my reality TV addiction. Anyway was watchin' last night and they had questions about where they would be at there 10 year anniversary and then had the men dress up as old people and do a video for there wives for their 40th anniversary. It was suppose to be funny but to me it made me sad. Unexpectedly I had tears falling thinking I am coming up on my 9th wedding and TTC anniversary in a couple of weeks and I am NO WHERE near where I thought we would be by our 10th anniversary. Yea I have a year to go but unless I have some freak octo mom like experience I don't think I will be there.

I have always wanted a lot of kids. At least 4 has been my dream. Now they have been modified. My dreams, year by year, get less and less. At this point I would be ecstatic with 1! What is it you were always told as a kid? Never give up on your dream...never settle for less...if you try hard enough you can have anything you want. HAH I laugh [read cry] at that. Everyone spends time preaching to teens about how you can get pregnant with just one mistake so use protection. (rightfully so) but still no one prepared me for the heart break with trying hundreds or thousands of times and it not working! No one prepared for the ultimate feeling of failure that I feel. I can't just try hard enough and make a baby. I had dreams...

What do you do when you are terrified that they won't come true?

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Nice weekend

I had a very nice 4th of July. It was a nice distraction to the anniversary I was dreading. I did have a flash Friday when I heard fireworks going off of last year. I was sitting on my porch with DH while the fireworks were going off. In our neighborhood it is like the first day of the war in We don't need to go to fireworks shows because we have them in my neighboorhood. My poor dog is just terrified! Anyway, I was sitting on the porch reading one of my many books on infertility, miscarriages, and PCOS. I was searching and searching for anyway that the pregnancy was not ending. Any sign that the doctors had it all wrong. Somehow it just had to be wrong! I could not be going through this for the 4th time. As you all now how it ended up, I did not find the answer I was searching for and 3 days later I went for my methotre.xate shot and just like that it was over. I never even had time to hope or be excited because I pretty much found out it was ectopic the day after I got a positive pregnancy test. At the time it just seemed so cruel...why even give me a positive test when it wasn't even going to last. I know now it was to save me from much worse because if the ectopic went on then I probably would have lost a tube or something. Luckily they caught it early enough. I guess that is one good thing about going through all this. I am pretty in tune to what is going on with my body.

Anyway, yesterday was nice. We went to my MIL and my SIL was there with her 2 month old. Surprisingly I did not have a hard time with it. The baby was just so CUTE! I think he is one of the most well behaved babies I have ever seen. He did not cry all day! All he did was smile and let out little giggles. I had a nice talk with my MIL. She is having a hard time because she had to put her mom in a nursing home. But let me tell you it is a very nice place. I was very surprised because it was covered by Medi.ca1d and I just pictured most of those as not good places. She feels guilty but I think it is the best thing for her. She will have people to talk to and to take care of her. They have a movie place, bowling lanes, ice cream parlor, rec room, they take them on shopping trips. It sounds and looks nice. It is close by us so DH and I are going to visit often.

So we BBQed and then last night went to my sisters and played with my nephews and then we played cards when the kids went to bed. Today I woke up and decided to pull everything out of my kitchen cabinets and scrub them down. It always seems like a good idea until you are about half way through and then realize you really do not want to do this anymore. I do feel so much better though. They really needed it. I think I am going to do that with everything in my house and just take it bit by bit rather then all in one day. I have the time now since I do not have a job. I feel guilty if I don't do anything and hubby is out working.

That is all I have for now. I hope you all had a great weekend!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Happy 4th of July!

I am headed to BBQ at MIL and then going to play cards at my sisters house. It should be a nice day. I hope everyone has a nice 4th of July!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wanted: Good job

Well, I am still unemployed...I know shocker in this great job market. I am not kidding you there is NOTHING out there! It is horrible! I did however wait on hold for 2.5 hrs with the unemployment office because I could not enroll online because they have my maiden name and address from 10 years ago. Maybe they should think about updating once in a while. When I called the phone system was ,of course, down so I had to wait on hold for 1 hr only to finally get through and then get disconnected so
I called back and waited for another 1.5 hrs but I did it. I did not give up which is what I am sure they are hoping people will do. They told me I had to send them my marriage license to change my name. Which lucky for me I am so organized I knew exactly where that thing is. Today I got a response and it looks like I will be getting unemployment. It looks like my employer said that the reason for separation was "lack of work". Hopefully I am not reading it wrong.

Oh wait I do have a potential (probable) job. It is very low paying. I received a survey in the mail from our county jury commission. Which means that as soon as I turn that in I will be called for jury duty. Yay! I get a job making about 2.00 an hour and I will have to pay 20.00 for parking. LOL I have never been called for jury duty and just my luck I get it now. YUCK!!!

Anyway, today I have spent the whole day looking through crappy job after crappy job and later this week I need to go and register with the talent bank. That should be loads of fun!

Another thing happening this week is the 1 year anniversary of my last loss, July 3rd. Actually today is the anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant. I remember finding out and instantly being scared. Not happy, not excited, just scared! That makes me sad that the joy has been taken away. As soon as I get the two lines that I spend most every month hoping for I instantly start shaking and think when is this one going to end. I don't want it to be that way. I think if I ever do get a pregnancy to stick someone is going to need to knock me out for 9 months. My poor hubby is going to have to deal with me. Oh well I guess I will take 9 months of worry over nothing.

Hope everyone is having a better week then me.