Wednesday, April 29, 2009

In case you did not know

Infertility has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. It's hard because everyday you are bombarded with images and news that reminds of what you do not have and what you are unable to do. It is frustrating because while you want to be happy for others and live a "normal" life, IF robs you of that ability. Not only that, but it feels very lonely. It seems to be a basic human right to reproduce and bring children into this world. After all it is what a woman is born to do. You want to leave this world better then when you came. But I have found out that it is not a guarantee just like most things in life... Believe me I know that there are people who are going through some really bad stuff. Things that I could not even imagine or would ever WANT to imagine and I am not here to say my pain is worse then others pain. I am just here to say that the pain of being INFERTILE IS VERY REAL. It is a difficult thing to deal with everyday and mostly it is not thought of as a "real" problem. Most people think that we were just selfish and waited to long or we want to have IVF because we want to pick the child's gender or eye color or something crazy like that. All those false assumptions just tend to aggravate the problem and not alleviate it.

It is frustrating because we can't understand why the woman who smokes crack every day has 10 children and we don't have any. Why women who killed their children still have more. It's hard and it leaves you questioning everything. Why me? Do you hear my prayers? What is the point of life if I can't have a child? Then we have to deal with insensitive comments such as "just relax", "maybe it is not meant to be", "it will happen when it is suppose to happen", "I have a friend that tried for many years and as soon as they tried to adopt they got pregnant", and "just don't think about". Don't you think that if those things really worked somebody would have tried that long ago. It may work for a fertile person but for an infertile person it usually involves some kind of drugs, a dildocam, thousands of dollars, and you do not even have to be in the same room with your hubby. Doesn't that sound romantic?

So basically in honor of NIAW I wanted to write about the feelings that are there when you are infertile. I just want people to be aware that 1. they should always think before they speak because you might not know who you are speaking to and what they are going through and 2. If you have children please know what a special gift you have received and act accordingly. Thanks.

9 comments:

Dana said...

u took the words right out of my mouth and heart. love you!

Bluebird said...

Wonderfully written.

Tara said...

Ah - I totally know all of those feelings. Here with you, sister.

CJ said...

It is so hard for fertiles to understand the pain of what we go through to become parents. Well said!

strongblonde said...

oh girl. you know i am always talking about the crack addicts who are able to have tons of babies....

xoxo

Jen said...

2 1/2 years, no baby, and I can't stop crying. And crying. And crying.

I just want to stay in my house and not come out. There are too many people and things outside that keep me crying.

I don't know what I'd do without blogs like yours.

If it weren't for blog

JamieD said...

This is an awesome post . . .

Kristin said...

You said that so beautifully.

Barb said...

Hugs. I understand.