I can not sleep and it is driving me crazy! I have always suffered from insomnia. I take a sleep medication for it but even that is not helping. It is seriously ridiculous! 2 nights ago I did not go to sleep until 10:30 AM...yes you read that right! I even tripled up on my sleep medication and NOTHING!! It was like I never even took it. I forced myself to get up at 1:00 when DH got home. I was exhausted all day but I figured that was good. I did not want to throw everything off and sleep all day. But as usual 10:00 PM rolled around and I was WIDE AWAKE! I did not fall asleep until 7:30 AM last night...or I should say this morning. I am really hoping tonight I go to bed early. There is not much to do at night! It sucks!
Usually, I always have the TV on in the background. It is something I have done for as long as I can remember. I always fall asleep to Nick at Nite or something like that. Why? because they are shows that I have seen a million times so they won't keep my attention. I barely have the sound on but I just like it on in the background. For some reason it helps.
Well the other night, when I was up the entire night, I was watching because there is not much on except lame infomercials. I was watching "Ros.eanne". I have seen the shows a trillion times! However, there was one show that the end made me laugh and sad at the same time. At the end she came on because she had not been on the show and she stated it was because she was pregnant and on bed rest. She then goes on to a commentary. She says something to the effect of...(not exact)I would like to explain to all the little boys and girls that may be watching, where babies come from...Then she says...when a man and a woman want to have a baby they find another man or woman and we then they go down to the clinic and the man and the woman go into separate rooms. 15 or so doctors take the samples and manipulate them until they are certain that conception has occurred. She says, I am sure you can not imagine your own parents doing this but it is the most intimate and special thing that can happen between, a man, a woman, and their fertility specialist. I wish I could remember everything that was said or find a clip but I could not. I have seen this many times and never really noticed. I thought that was sad. I did not notice because to me that is my story. It was funny because not many people would do that and put it out there like that.
I started thinking about when I watched that when I was a teenager. I wondered if I ever even noticed it then? Did I think it was funny because yah right like that really happens! or that will never happen to me! Did I think she was joking? I remember being really young and hearing about "test tube babies". Of course it wasn't reality to me. I was a kid fantasizing about being a supreme court judge, running around with my friends, eating candy, mad about having a bed time, worried about if so and so was mad at me. You know the usual REAL IMPORTANT things in life. LOL It was futuristic stuff. It was not ever something that would happen to me.
Now I long for my "test tube baby". I look forward to the intimate rendevezvous with me, DH and my fertility specialist. The future is here and is now my reality and I really wish I could sleep!