Dates to remember

I am feeling like there is not a day in the year that I can forget. It seems after so many miscarriages there are so many days that bring back horrible memories. It's days like, when I found out I was pregnant, when I lost the baby, the due date. It feels like every month of the year there is a date to dread. A date for sadness. Then you spend the weeks leading up to that date thinking about it. Thinking if how much it is going to suck that another day has passed where you should have the beautiful bundle of joy in your arms. They should be saying their first word or taking their first steps by now. Yet here I am with empty arms and a broken heart. I don't know what to do with the sadness. I guess I have to just keep moving forward. Remember that when I get to heaven I will have 4 beautiful babies waiting for me. I just have to keep taking "baby" steps...