Sunday, August 31, 2008


So here I am 34 and babyless. Some may think that is how I had it planned. It definitely is not. I want to have at least 4 children. Although now that dream is seeming further and further away. I thought I would have all my children by now. 35 is approaching fast and in the fertility world that is like the year of death. Every book, magazine or article says fertility starts to decrease at age 35. Every year I say this is the year it is going to happen. This is the year I will have a baby. Every year passes and still an empty cradle. It is funny that so many women think waiting until they are extablished in their career to have a baby. Or wait until they are older. I just want to scream...DON'T WAIST THIS TIME.

I was talking to my boss the other day regarding this very subject. I have been very open with her regarding the subject, which has enabled a lot of leniency for me with doctors appointments and taking time off after a miscarriage. She has been very understanding and for that I am very thankful. Anyway, she was telling me not to worry people have babies well into there 40's and sometimes 50's. What people like this do not understand is that is not necessarily true. Don't get me wrong it happens however did they ever consider why that stuff is in the news so often. Because it is rare and therefore news worthy. Plus it costs money...lots of money. She said she was 38 and wanted to have a baby but was not conserned about being able to do so. I wanted to tell her she should be conserned or at least go get checked out. They can do tests to find your ovarian reserve and thus let you know roughly how many years you have left. The thoughts ran through my mind but I did not quite know how to break it to her. I mean if it was my friend or my sister I would say something...but my boss, I thought maybe the information would not be welcomed. So I kept my mouth shut.

However, it made me think about how while all the lastest advances in ferility medicine have been great and give millions the hope of having babies it also has given a false sense of security to many. Many, like my boss, feel they can wait but they shouldn't. I am glad I didn't. It would be horrible to be just starting the journey now and then find out it was not going to be easy. I already feel like I wasted all those years of preventing pregnancy when I did not have to, nature was doing that for me.

I talked to me RE about this when I told him I was going to take a break. He said I had a few years still before it would be a problem. He said I respond well to the medication and produce a lot of eggs. I guess that is a bright spot in my world. The one thing I do not have to worry about yet...but still the age 35 still sticks in my head and I am dreading when I finally get there which is right around the corner.

No comments: