Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Ditto!!!

Almost exactly a year ago I wrote this post. I think this year I can pretty much just say "ditto" and be done with it. Still no baby bump and in fact I have had one of the crappiest years I can remember in a long time.

Christmas time is here again and I do not have any great announcement to make. No relief to be felt that this will be our last childless Christmas. I feel this year I am further away then ever. How can I have gone through this for 9, almost 10 years, and feel further from my goal today then I did last year. It is frustrating to say the least. To watch, what seems like everyone, move on...have their dreams come true...yet here I can sit and read a post from a year ago and still be in the same place or further back. ( I know not everyone. I know there are many of you just like me. I am so sorry for that.)

Maybe I should try reverse psychology on 2010. Maybe I should wish for the worst year ever and then maybe the opposite will happen. At least if I wish for the worst year ever, anything that happens remotely good will be a step up, and I won't be disappointed.


xxoo

14 comments:

Barb said...

Lots and lots of hugs.

And I love watching Christmas movies too. (per your twitter)

Blog Stalker said...

I send you the best hopes fo 2010. Just a quick personal note: My parents waited 9 years for kids and ended up with four of us. Hold on to hope and trust things will work out. Just maybe not exactly the way YOU want them to. They adopted all of us but we are with the family we belong!

Again, I wish you the best of luck in 2010!

Have a great day!

Michele said...

hoping for a better 2010...

Melis.sa said...

((HUG)))

battynurse said...

I hear you. Hugs to you.

Andrea said...

Hugs and love and wishing you prosperity in 2010.

KuKd Chick said...

Argh, I'm sorry it's another childless Christmas. ((Hugs)) and wishing you lots of strength and peace in 2010.

Plus Size Bride said...

I'm with you on the reverse psychology. May we both have the worst year ever.

Triumph said...

These words might not be comforting bit my husband and I waited twelve years for our miracle baby so dont give up on hope. Keep trusting God.

It will be all the more special when it happens. All the best for Christmas and 2010

Good Egg Hunting said...

I don't want to sound trite at all, because I totally understand and respect where your head is right now. But I had a HORRIBLE holiday season last year (found out I was having a miscarriage two weeks before Christmas...miscarriage never happened so I tried medication on CHRISTMAS EVE...which only worked halfway so I ended up with a D&C on New Year's Eve!)...and a lot can change in a year. So just because you feel like you're reliving the same things over and over (which I totally get) doesn't mean they will continue like that forever. Don't give up hope that the year ahead could be full of surprises. Here's to all good things in 2010!

JamieD said...

You ~have~ had a really tough year this year.

I know it seems impossibly and so far out of your reach but I wish for Christmas 2010 to be beyond your wildest dreams.

Andrea said...

Michelle,

I just read your thoughtful post on my blog and wanted to say thank you.

I re-read your blog post again and yes, its so hard to watch what seems like everyone else move on and feel as if you are in the "holding pattern" The emotional toll all of this takes is so disheartening and I am sorry you find yourself here, but you are not alone.

We are almost the same age, I'm a little older than you at a "new" 37 and feel as if time is passing me by. However, I've realized that I have absolutely no control over this situation (althoug it hurts deeply) and must cling to HOPE and remain faithful. What else is a gril to do?

Know that I am praying and holding onto HOPE for you. Wishing you a renewed spirit in 2010. Hang in there, we're gonna make it :)

Andrea
www.persuitofourfairytale.blogspot.com

Stacey said...

My heart goes out to you, Michelle. I know you know this, but you are definitely not alone in this! It makes me so sad to know that so many are still waiting (and that I am, too). Watching others achieve their dreams and goals is SO HARD when you are stuck and when moving forward is out of your control.
Sending you hugs and support and prayers now and through the holidays.

Sunny said...

Oh Michelle, I am so sorry that 2009 wasn't a magical year for you. I do think of you often and ask God to *please* bring a baby into your arms, you have waited far, far too long.

Hugs.