Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The other side of adoption

I have been a horrible ICLWer this month. :( I have not been writing as much as I would like but I have been not doing to well with my back. It looks like I will not make Iron Commenter for the first time since starting. I broke my record of 6 months in a row. :( Oh well I hope to be better next month. (I better be). I got the results of my CT scan and they said they found something on my right ovary and they want me to go to mt OBGYN so they can look into it further. I tried asking questions but the nurse knew nothing and said if I wanted more info I should make an appointment to see the doctor. This is why my doctor drives me nuts! When I go to see her she is great and listens and seems to care but when I try to get any other info or do anything without seeing her first I ALWAYS get the the run around. It is frustrating to say the least. I made an appointment for Saturday and I am now sick and tired of this so I have made a list of questions and concerns that I am going to run through with her on Saturday. My appt with the OBGYN is Monday and I am trying not to worry too much because I have to think that if it was really bad she would have told me herself already, but who knows with her. I hope it is just something to do with my PCOS and that whatever it is will be the explanation for my pain and they can fix it. Keep your fingers crossed.

Anyway, the other day I watched MT.v's Tru.e L1fe. I am pretty much a regular watcher of this show and on the weekend they had one focusing on women who were giving their babies up for adoption. I watched it and it freaked me out! They showed 2 women, I believe both were in their early 20's. One was giving her baby to a distant relative (I think) and the other found a couple on the internet. I wish they would do a show about the ones that were doing the adopting but I do know this is a show mainly focused on teens and early 20 somethings. It was interesting to look at it from the perspective of the girls giving up their babies. How difficult it is for them to do so. In the end, stop if you don't want to know what happens. The girl who was giving to her relatives ended up going through with it and the girl who found the couple on line did not. She ended up leaving the baby with the father who was already raising 1 child. It was the complete opposite of what I thought would happen. The 1 who went through with it was doing a open adoption and she saw the baby once every 2 weeks. Which I think I would want to do open adoption as well. But again I have not done all that much research yet on either way.The couple that were adopting seemed amazingly patient and understanding of her struggle. Before she had the baby she was positive on the adoption but once she had her she needed time to think about it.

This is what scares me about adoption. I have always been someone that would consider adoption. I would love to give a home to a someone who would not normally have one. I don't have tons of hang ups about having a child that is related by blood to me or my DH. I mean it is of course a preference if at all possible but I really just would like to have children. My hang ups for adoption is the money, and the long grueling process (or so it seems to me). Getting my heart set and going through all the emotions and pulling all the strings, jumping through all the hoops and then the person changes her mind. I mean I know it has to be difficult for the ones that are giving up their babies and it is not something I think about very much when I think about adoption. I always kind of think about my side of things, forgetting all about the other side. I guess though it is a risk you take no matter whether you go through adoption or IVF...there are no guarantees in life. It sucks though to shell out tons of money for what most people can do without even a thought. To get your hopes up and then have the rug pulled out from under you. It scares the CRAP out of me!

Over all I thought the show was ok. It definitely lets you think about the other side of things and how brave these women are to not take the easy way out and to think of their baby and not necessarily of themselves first. I admire these women and the couples who adopt the babies. Both sides it takes amazing strength and patience. I only hope that if/when I get to this point I can be that kind of person.

12 comments:

battynurse said...

Hopefully what they saw on the CT was in fact some sort of cyst from your PCOS which seems like it would be likely. I don't know though if it would/could be the cause of all the pain. It sure would be nice if it was a somewhat easy fix.
I didn't watch the show on adoption but I feel a bit like you. I don't mind the idea of adoption at all. What scares me is the whole being chosen and then having the birth mom change their mind. It just happened to a friend of mine. Also all the expense, home study etc.

CJ said...

I'm sorry about your back and the strange CT scan! I hope everything is okay.

I missed the show, thanks for recapping for me. It's such a misconception that we infertiles should just ADOPT... because it's like so easy and stress-free, right?! :P It is beautiful when it works, though.

Monica LeMoine said...

I totally share your concerns about adoption. I go thru phases with adoption - wanting it, not wanting it, worrying about all of the risks. You frame it nicely: there are no guarantees in life.

Kristin said...

I hope you get an explanation (and a solution) for your back pain and I hope the weird thing on the CT wasn't anything too bad. Feel better.

~ICLW

Jennifer said...

(ICLW) Thanks for your comment on my blog :)

I hope your appointment goes well, and that the doctor gives you some answers.

Ashley said...

I get the run around from my doctor too, and it's so freaking annoying. Reasons why I'm looking for a new one.

ICLW

Melissa said...

I hope that you finally get some answers. I am sure whatever it is will be okay. Feel better soon!
-ICLW

nancy said...

ICLW ---

I hope your OB appointment comes quickly and it ends up being nothing. ~hugs~

Parenthood For Me said...

I felt the same way about adoption. We adopted from Korea and there was virtually no chance things wouldn't work out once we received the referral for our son. As with any adoption something could have happened but we felt pretty comforted by the history of the agency and what they told us. Domestic adoption really scares me. I understand why people want to do it, but b/c the bparents have 30 days to take teh baby back, I could never do that to myself. I hope you are successful with TTC efforts. But you should read my first blog about our adoption journey and my blog about life after adoption.
ajanderica.blogspot.com
funnyfinn.blogspot.com


I hope things are okay with you.

Kischa said...

Good luck with your doctors appointment, I hope everything is ok.

I'm also starting the adoption process but I'm not going through an agency - I'm going through the department of health in human services in my state. It's virtually free, although as with anything else it comes with its pros and cons.

strongblonde said...

i LOVE that show! i watch it all the time. i even saw that episode!

can't wait to hear what the doc says about the ovary thing!

xoxo

Another Dreamer said...

I hope you get an explanation, some answers, and a little peace (*hugs*)

Adopting... while I would love to do it, I have some of the same hang ups as you. It's a scary minefield, it truly is.