Well I think it is time. It is time for me to get back in the game. I have been out long enough. I have taken my break. I think mentally I am ready. But also I am scared. It has been nice to not worry every month what is going to happen. To not make a million doctors appointments, to get frustrated when it doesn't work, or worse yet it does work and then it goes south.
It probably is going to take a month or so to get into the doctor but I think I am going to do it. I am going to make that simple phone call that I have been delaying for a looong time. I mean I did have a good excuse for a while with my back being all messed up, but now I have to jump back in with both feet. Really it isn't going to be for much because I am going to try one more round of injections. We are going to add progesterone and see if that makes a difference. Hopefully it makes a difference because otherwise I am going to be in for another looong wait because I am going to have to save for IVF. But hopefully I will be getting out of a car lease soon. My plan is to buy a car for cash that I can afford. Which by the way... won't be much. Then I can save this ridiculous 600.00 car payment ( I know, right?) I have and hopefully soon have enough for IVF. That is the plan anyway.
Actually, the real plan is that the injections with progesterone will work and I won't have to worry about IVF. I think I have been putting it off because I am really scared the injections won't work. I need them to work! But first I am going to meet with Dr. Positive and probably do a laparoscopy. I want to do that to check everything out before waisting anymore time, energy and money. Also my OB said I should get one due to unexplained pain and tenderness. Then once that is done we will do the injections and then IVF.
But I have to make the call. I have to pick up the phone, dial the oh so familiar numbers, deal with the crazy nurse who I do NOT like, I have to make an appointment, I have to take time off work, and I have to go in and get this game started. I think I am ready, I think I am prepared for all it is going to take but even typing this makes my heart beat fast. I have to do it. Time is passing me by. I am not getting any younger. I think I am ready...ready for the anxiety, ready for the time, ready for the worry, ready for the hope, and most importantly and hopefully, ultimately ready for the joy.
Wish me luck because I am going to jump. I am hoping it is a soft landing.