Friday, September 5, 2008

Am I crazy???

So, my younger sister and I were talking a couple months ago. She had taken a class through her church on running support groups. She goes to a big church and they have lots of support groups. I asked her if they had one for miscarriage and infertility. She said they didn't but she would talk to her pastor about starting one. I thought that would be nice and maybe I would consider going to her church and join the group. She has been bugging me for a while to go to her church but it is so far away for me.

Anyway, she tells me the other day that they are starting a group for miscarriage, infertility, and adoption and that she is going to run it. I was floored because she does not have any experience with any of those things. I would think running a support group would require you had some experience with one of those things.  She has 2 kids, my nephews Joey (3) and Noah (17 months), that are my hearts, but she did not have a problem. I mean it did take her several months to get pregnant but I hardly think that counts. She said the pastor did not have a problem with it since she has talked to me a lot she thinks it will be fine. Talking to me does not mean you know what it feels like. I think of all the insensitive things she has said to me, not on prurpose, but because she did not realize the hurt it causes. How is she suppose to support others when it is hard to support me? I never say anything about the things she says because I know she means well but what she does not understand is that one comment can throw me into a tailspin for days. 

I go to a support group through RESOLVE and the person that leads it went through infertility for many years and ended up with 2 children. I think that is a good type of person to run the group. Someone who has come out the other end in the light from this dark road that we travel. She has been able to offer great advice.  How is my sister going to be able to do this?

She asked me if I was going to go and I said NO! She did not understand why? I said well a. you are my sister and b. you have no experience.  I am trying hard to get over it but I am bitter about it. IT almost feels like she is intruding on my space. Is that crazy? Like I can't have this to myself...instead now anytime I say anything she is going to act like the authority on this...and I repeat she has NO CLUE!!!!!! 

Am I being to sensitive? Let me know what you think.


Malky B. said...

No I agree with you. She can't fully understand what we go through if she hasn't been there.

You can listen to someone else but can't fully comprehend what it's like to live with infertility and loss if you haven't gone through it yourself.

JuliaS said...

I don't think you are being overly sensitive at all.

The thing is - when someone tells you "it will get better" you tend to believe when it is coming from someone who has been there/done that. Without a framed of reference - you can feel badly about what someone is going through, but you can never truly understand. Anything she might have to say would most likely come off patronizing or clueless. Sad, but true.

It'd be like me trying to run a support group for Alcoholics. I've never had a drink in my life. How could I possibly offer any practical advice when I don't know what the overwhelming physical and psychological need for a drink feels like?