Last night I babysat for my nephews. I know I say it every time but they are so cute! They are always so good for us! They made me laugh and smile all night. They went to bed with no problems. The little one No.ah will not say his name. He will repeat anything you say and I mean anything but if you say No.ah he says "me". It is so funny. We try every way and he just won't do it. It cracks me up!
Anyway, Jo.ey fell asleep on the couch and one moment I was just staring at him, watching him sleep. Tears formed in my eyes because I thought to myself, will I ever know the pure and utter happiness that is having a child of my own? I mean I am sure I can be happy and enjoy life without one but not the deep down in your soul COMPLETE, nothing else matters happiness. The kind that makes you feel complete, like you have contributed something to this world. That when you leave it, you have left it better then when you came. I want a child so bad it hurts! I want a family! I know what the deep down in you soul sadness feels like and I want so desperately to feel the happiness. To think it may never happen makes me sad and angry!