Wednesday, November 19, 2008

RE: Employment at To Baby and Beyond, INC

How is it that I get disappointed month after month when AF visits? I am on "break". I have been trying for exactly 100 months as of this month. I have only gotten pregnant 4 times and all did not end well. That is a 4% pregnancy rate and 0% baby rate, yet I seem genuinely surprised when my dear "aunt" arrives. Go away! You are not welcome here! I have composed a letter and I am sending it registered mail...

RE: Employment at To Baby and Beyond INC

Dear Aunt Flo,

We thank you for your loyal services but at this time we find it necessary to release you from your current position. We are looking to pump some youth and breathe life back in to our company.

Over the last several years your work ethic has been on a steady decline. You have not been very dependable. You show up only when you feel like it and then stay longer then what is stated in your contract. Your work environment is so messy it is actually painful and when you do show up everyone around you seems to be in a bad mood.

So at this time we have decided your once monthly visits will not be necessary as we are doing some restructuring and we are looking for a replacement that will fit better with our companies long term goals.

Take this time to do some searching. Get some refresher training. Go out and meet new people, reconnect with some old friends who need you. In approximately 9 months feel free to apply again and we will review your resume. If your goals become more in line with our company mission statement and goal we will consider your reinstatement. Thank you for your service.

Sincerely,

Michelle
President

15 comments:

Searching for Serenity said...

It is never easy. Sorry to hear it.

On the other hand...
Brilliant writing. Awesome!

JamieD said...

Awesome post . . . if it works, let me know. I have someone I am looking to release from their duties also.

April said...

this may be a contender for the creme de la creme :) i love it.

i am always surprised and sad to see AF...even if I already have a negative beta.

seriously, IF just f's with your mind!

Cara said...

Well put and it is startling how many analogies you were able to make to the workin world.

Sorry this is such a rough time. I especially hate the come early leave late part..I mean - who likes a party crasher that won't leave?

Eskimo_Kisses_4_U said...

I'm so sorry. AF is so cruel.

Love the letter, though. My sentiments exactly.

Another Dreamer said...

Ha! I love it.

Kahla said...

Stupid AF, has to be the worst visit from a relative ever!

If your letter works, I'm so borrowing it!

Heather said...

The letter's great... so sorry you're going through this, but thanks for making me smile!

C said...

LOL - Very cute and well done.

I wasn't TTC nearly as long as you, but I was still always surprised and disappointed at AF, too. Like a little part of me wanted to believe this was all a bad dream, and I really COULD get pregnant whenever I wanted to.

My Infertility Diaries said...

I LOVE that not to AF!! I am sending mine one right away :D I am on a 'break' too, but I still don't want to see AF. I wish she would just get a clue :D

Shannon said...

That is a great letter, it made me smile. Let's hope all unwelcome AF's take the hint!

Monica LeMoine said...

ha ha! So funny you should post this--- I was just about to write a post about The Obnoxious Aunt. I'll be sure to send her your letter when she comes-a-knocking at my door.

Seriously? - Erin said...

Here from ICLW. I have to say I was always surprised. I somehow was always surprised that my pregnancy tests were negative after I got my period. It is so strange how our heads work!

CappyPrincess said...

Ironic, isn't it, how something so true can also provide a source of humor?

ICLW

battynurse said...

Oh my. I love this. So funny.