Happy Blogoversary to ME!

WOW! It has been 1 year of blogging today. I can't believe it has been a year already. I remember when I started, wanting so bad to be a year into blogging because that meant hopefully I would have built some readers. It would mean I had experience now. I would know what I wanted my voice to be and how I wanted to express all that had been bottled up in my mind and in heart for the last 9 years. Yet, I also wondered. Would I be disappointed with blogging? Would I start and then decide after a week or two that it was too much work? Would anyone care what I had to say? Would I really want to talk about all this really personal stuff?

One year later...

I am definitely NOT disappointed with blogging. Quite the contrary. I think it has been one of the best experiences. My first post I remember thinking, as I have said before, I am going to show everyone what it is like to be infertile. What I feel...how hard it is. I am going to educate. I had no idea that this whole world was out there. I do not even remember how I found Mel's place. I am sure it was from clicking on links from someone else's blog. But I do remeber my heart skipped a beat when I rolled through her list of blogs from the ALI community. I could not believe it. The feeling was like...I was HOME at last!

I am a talker by nature but I was unsure if it would translate to a blog. Could I be as open when anyone could find it and possibly say unkind things? I have enough of that IRL...I don't need it in the virtual world while relaxing in the comfort of my home. One year later...Yes I defintely have no problem speaking my mind. Saying exactly how I feel even if not everyone agrees. I figured out along the way that it is ok if not everyone agrees. We all have different experiences in life that shape how we view and feel about things. That is why I am here...to learn and maybe see a different way of looking at things. But I am also happy to say that I have not had anything unkind said to me. I have received nothing but an unending supply of love and support from all of you.

I really thought that I would only have a few people who would come to read my blog. I am amazed all the time that people come here and read what I think or feel. That you come here and comment and envelop me with virtual hugs. I just can't say how much it means to me and how excited I get whenever I see a comment. I also love to comment. I love offering my love and support to everyone that needs it. I love finding new blogs to read and that is why I have reached Iron commenter 6 times. My list gets longer and longer. Many have become successful in there quest for a baby since I started reading and it truely makes me so happy when you have beat IF. It makes my day better...it gives me so much HOPE! It also makes me so sad when things are not going well for you...if you are having a hard time...or God forbid a loss. I feel it as if it were my own. I pray and keep you all in my thoughts CONSTANTLY! If I can't read every day I start to get anxious because I do not want a day to go by where any of you feel forgotten. I try my best and I hope that I can give you at least a small fraction of what you have given me.

I think people think I have lost my mind. They say you should go to a support group and I say I have a great support group...they are all online. IRL people say , "no I'm talking about a group in person"...I say I did that and I like this better. While I definitely like to meet people and there are several of you that I hope to meet someday, being on the internet sometimes just makes it so much easier. It is easier to say how I feel with out fear that someone is rolling their eyes at me or staring at me in bewilderment. It's easier to cry my eyes out as I write a gut wrenching post or laugh my ass off at my stupidity without anyone knowing it. I can say here what I can't say or would rather not say IRL. It is also hard too because I can post things here and I realize that it may sound like I am about to slit my wrists or jump off the closest bridge...let me assure you I am not...because words can only say so much...but I know that most of you who read know exactly what I am talking about. You laugh and cry with me and not at me (wink, wink). And while all this may sound ridiculous to some people... to me it has been a lifeline. So, while I know some IRL people do not understand or think I have lost my mind if I talk about some great news I heard from someone online or some uplifting thing one of you told me that got me through a bad day...I don't care because I consider all of you my friends even if it is in the blogosphere...it still means the world to me.

So I thank you all for coming here and for blogging. My hubby thanks you because he finally gets a break from my constant over analyzing, worrying, and grief and I thank Mel for getting us all together in one community to support and celebrate each other and I am amazed everyday at all she does. I have learned so much in the last year. You have changed my life and made this whole IF thing easier. I am not alone anymore and I just can't thank you enough! And I can't wait for the next year!

So 365 days and 174 posts later...here are some highlights incase you haven't read.

How it began...1st post

Most popular post, my Creme de la Creme entry and Contest winner (although the contest

winner was a shorter version)

I am one of "those" people

My letter to Aunt Flo

Top 101 things about me

Shades of Gray

My letter to 18 yr old me

Something pretty funny - to my sis...sorry it had to be told...it is just too darn funny!

Hope you enjoyed!